I am all kinds of distracted today. All day and night I've been flittering from project to project, spacing out, forgetting my tea.
And this afternoon, I even had a hard time getting into Serenity, a movie I've been looking forward to for months.
The nebula of the metaphysical is clouding my focus on physical reality!
Completely irrational, I know, but alas, I am a human.
I've been listening to a CD my mom made for me. Let's pause momentarily to appreciate just how damn cool it is that my mom made me a mix CD. Not only that, but she apparently knows my taste, as well. Positively amazing!
But what's more incredible than her knowledge of my musical taste is her knowledge of my state of mind. How could she know? There are over 1000 miles separating her in Chicago from me in Texas. And I'm a bad daughter and hardly ever call her on the phone. I can only attribute her intuition to some kind of spiritual bond. Is this the Fourth Chakra at work?
So she sends me this CD full of melancholy music about love and change and solitude and love! And I think, "Are you trying to kill me?" But I can't stop listening to it. Because I've discovered that I love Warren Zevon. And Tom Waits is beautiful. "Martha" makes me cry... And those were the days of roses, poetry and prose and Martha, all I had was you and all you had was me. There was no tomorrows, we'd packed away our sorrows And we saved them for a rainy day.
And his "I Hope I Don't Fall In Love With You" shares sentiments with "Be Mine Tonight" by Th'Dudes.
Then I get to Z's "Empty-Handed Heart",
Girl, we had some good times
But time does not stand still
It's rolling like a rockslide down a hill
Heart jinxed condition
Never sure how I feel
Trying to separate the real thing
From the wishful thinking
Sometimes I wonderIf I'll make it without you
Oh! And she was so coy! "Here Monica, this CD might not be your style, but I hope you find something here you like. Enjoy!"
Were this a vinyl record, and I played it backwards, I bet I'd hear her chant, "I can read your mind! And it's heavy, baby!"
So at work last night, listening to Jill Sobule croon "Thank Misery", I recieved an e-mail from my mother. She wrote that my aunt, who has been battling lung cancer, had a stroke and is in a coma.
The outlook is bleak, and even if she makes it out, she will not be the same person. And it all just feels so sudden and impossible. And I wish I knew how my dad is doing, how my family is doing. But we're always "fine", aren't we? We've never been good at supporting one another.
We've never been good at asking for support when we need it.
Maybe I keep listening to this CD because it reassures me that it's not too late to get to know one another.
I feel so young and foolish, now that I'm mature.
(Full Track List! In case you're curious..)
I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You - Tom Waits
Renegade - Warren Zevon
One Moment More - Mindy Smith
Accidentally Like A Martyr - Warren Zevon
Goin' Down Slow - Tom Waits
Keep Me In Your Heart - Jorge Calderon
Don't Let Us Get Sick - Jill Sobule
El Amor De Mi Vida - Warren Zevon
Martha - Tom Waits
Empty Handed Heart - Warren Zevon
Thank Misery - Jill Sobule
Hold On - Tom Waits
Please Stay - Warren Zevon
Take It With Me - Tom Waits
Studebaker - Jordan Zevon
Ruby's Arms - Tom Waits
Nobody's In Love This Year - Warren Zevon
Lullaby - Tom Waits