spacekadet

i missed the sunlight.

days like today i think: "rooms without windows should be outlawed." at 8ish i finished my programming project, indifferent about the minor speed improvements i'd made, sulking for having stood up the precious sun, a little concerned it might never come back.

even the most dependable things don't always come back.

but this is physics, who never goes to bed angry, and barring the arrival of any asteroids or time warps, i believe that the sun will again wake me in the morning with a spoon.

and the night brings the stars and a breeze and my feet that need to move forward. once again i avoided treading on the roadkill on my darkened avenue. poor opossum. i never knew it personally, only from it's death as an opossum to its re-birth as roadkill and its evolution to a mere tuft of fur embedded in the pavement.

it's been a long journey.

tonight's it's hard to worry about anything. it's easy to be sad and soulfully reflective. but worry? i think i've had it with worrying. tonight i feel full of love. tonight i feel like spooning with my self-indulgences. tonight i fondle

making pizza. from scratch.
chopping carrots and green peppers.
cold bier
at a red light, setting fuzzy dice into motion
the way james still calls me for smoke breaks
the way the weather in austin stays perfect for days and days and days
listening to prince while i work out
the way my neighbor spends her mornings tending her garden
the way ivy tries to be a human, and sleeps with his head on my pillow and his paw on my face
jimmy john's, #6, easy cheese easy mayo, vinegar and oregano
getting the hell out of dodge
seeing every goddam place i can, even if it ends up being State College, PA
rollerblading really really really fast
being naughty

what me worry? maybe tomorrow.

Posted by monica at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

All morning I've been jonesing to write.

Write paragraphs.

Not code, like I've been doing.

My thoughts are on editorials that matter only to me, but I put them out of my head like so many other words I will never say, that you will never hear, only to have them creep up in vivid dreams of adventure and love untold.

Proofeading, I originally mistyped "cream" instead of "creep" in the above paragraph. I wonder why. Cream, sh-boogie bop?

And I'm paranoid, because my writing needs practice. How will I ever find "my voice"?

Going through the motions is making me generic. It's time to rock until your face melts off.

Until I have time to write more, a haiku:

i feign interest,
eating yogurt with a fork.
you see through my bull.

Posted by monica at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is why I've been too busy to post lately.

Posted by monica at 11:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Create 'magnetic' blog poetry about "Autumn" and the "chattahoochee". Or edit the URL and create magnetic poetry from your own site (just replace the 'www.spacekadet.org' part with your own site's url).

Here's a link to Mark-the-creator's original post.

Posted by monica at 11:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tim and I have invented a new pastime for the drives to his place: "Drive By Sterling".

It's quite simple really. We drive by Bruce Sterling's house and see if he's outside. Our first attempt found him on his porch with his laptop!

Drive by Sterlings to date: 1/3

Posted by monica at 09:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The UIUC MacWarriors have created a nifty new web browser for Mac OS X called TrailBlazer. It's catch phrase is something like "Making internet history" because the big feature of TrailBlazer is it's innovative way of keeping track of the visited site history. The user can view a page that has thumbnails of all the sites they visited, with arrows connecting thumbnails to indicate how they got to each page. What's even COOLER is that the history also stores content history, so within the thumbnails page you can search by web content to find the web site you're looking for.

I tried out the browser and while it's missing out on certain features I like (tabbed browsing's a big one), I can immediately see how their history display could be useful (who always remembers to bookmark?). My beef is that showing all those thumbnails gets pretty slow on my iBook. I'd like an option to show the text-only history list but with the added search-by-content capability.

They're website includes a somewhat blurry Quicktime movie demo of TrailBlazer.

Yay MacWarriors!

Posted by monica at 05:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Universities really need to get together and schedule their Spring Breaks at the same time.

This week, while I was recovering from Spring Break last week, UIUC students were enjoying their own week of freedom. This brought Braden and Jennifer to town. Wednesday they crashed at my place. That night, I felt it was my duty to introduce them to the Austin coolness that is Hyde Park.

Naturally, I took them to the Parlor.

My favorite punk rock pizza pub was received well, as expected. Afterwards we moved the party back to my place. I had an excellent time catching up with Braden and meeting his girlfriend (I'm sorry Braden, but your girlfriend is cooler than you!). There was some drunkenness involved, and I even talked about politics for a few minutes. Eventually, a raccoon came by and climbed the tree in my yard. Tim snapped these pictures with my camera. Check out the amazing tongue on that beast!

Posted by monica at 03:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow
I never meant 2 cause u any pain
I only wanted 2 one time see u laughing
I only wanted 2 see u laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain

I only wanted 2 see u bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted 2 be your weekend lover
I only wanted 2 be some kind of friend
Baby, I could never steal u from another
It's such a shame our friendship had 2 end

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain

I only wanted 2 see u underneath the purple rain

Honey, I know, I know, I know times r changing
It's time we all reached out 4 something new
That means u 2
U say u want a leader
But u can't seem 2 make up your mind
I think u better close it
And let me guide u 2 the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain...

I only want 2 see u, only want 2 see u
In the purple rain

Posted by monica at 11:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Monday morning you sure look fine
Friday I got travelin on my mind
First you love me, then you fade away
I can't go on believin' this way
I got nothing but love for you
Now tell me what you really wanna do
First you love me then you get on down the line
But I don't mind.
I don't mind
I'll be there if you want me to
No one else that could ever do
Got to get some peace in my mind.
Monday morning you sure look fine
Friday I got travelin on my mind
First you love me then you say it's wrong
You know I can't go on believing for long
But you know it's true
You only want me when I get over you
First you love me then you get on down the line
But I don't mind
No, I don't mind
I'll be there if you want me to
No one else that could ever do
Got to get some peace in my mind

Posted by monica at 09:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I couldn't sleep last night.

At first I was kept up by a red bull ... that was necessary to wake me up ... in order to study for an exam ... so that I might do well in my java class ... so that i might have some useful skills in the real world ... so that i might be given money to implement my skills ... so i might be able to get rich and famous enough to be successful in my own band, no matter how bad we are.

I took an email break and started sifting through some old mail in search of a link I wanted to send a friend. First of all, the Search function in Mail.app sucks so I essentially had to go through e-mails one by one looking for urls. I have so much e-mail saved on my computer, from so many people I barely speak to anymore.

"What, didn't those 516 messages I sent you mean anything to you??"

This is life and I don't mind, and I got to laugh, cuz the people I know write freakin' hilarious emails.

So now that it's today, and I'm sleepy and nostalgic and working my mind so-oh-good trying to hang on to the subtle differences between member classes, factory classes, blah blah blah
I find myself in the mood for a little D. Plan. They're lyrics are awesome. And it makes me moist to know that their sexy lead singer, Travis Morrison, is still out there making music and updating his blog. Grab a change of underwear and check out his MP3's.

If I were in a cover band (just give me time, baby), I'd say: "this song is for all the good people i've been lucky to know in my life -- i miss you guys."

There's a kind of music that reminds me of you
It's all clear expensive drinks and shiny shirts
And the click of heels as they descend from the taxi
Like the first foot on the moon, oh, and it glows with ache
And if it hits me right it's almost too much to take
And it's got right angle razor thin lines
That turn and swerve like perfect sines
As we dress to the nines in an
Attempt to leave it all behind
In a search of the moment between the seconds where
Everything is just fine
That silver thread imbedded deep within our spines
And I used to be kind of weird about this
A fear of dependence on a guilty gilt-edged
Hedged transcendence that makes us liars
And tense when we look down and realize
That nothing really suspends us
But it was never just another Saturday night
Not with you in attendance
So throw your hands in the air
And wave them like you just don't care
It's on a whim; it's on a dare
To shrug away what we can't bear
And we're going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back
We're going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back
And it's a deep blue see-through membrane that protects us
It connects us, a pulsing cellophane
Party-train skein that helps us and
Envelopes and keeps us locked inside
Forever and ever along for the ride
And we're moving through a phosphorescent gel
A semi-solid self-lit ocean and it?s a funny notion, isn't it?
Yeah, but I'm kinda digging it
And it's rigged and isn't nearly so big
And it speaks only of its own
Perpetual near miss
Like the uncertain memory
Of a stranger's mistaken kiss
And faces slide by in glowing shadows
Like snowbound ghosts that go up and down
In epileptic shivers and negative radioactive slivers
In a landscape of endless dull glitter
And a taste in my mouth so sweet, yet so bitter
And we exhaust ourselves trying to get there
Somebody scream all right
We'll try to fill the echoless night
So fasten up and hold tight
We can't give up without a fight
And we're going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back
We're going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back

So in the end, whatever, we die, we dissolve
Equations unbalanced, riddles unsolved
And we were never connected or involved
Except for the intersections and crazy mathematics
With no time and no space and no schedule and no place
And we pass right through it without a trace
And sometimes that music drifts through my car
On a spring night when anything is possible
And I close my eyes and I nod my head
And I wonder how you been and I count to a hundred and ten
Because you'll always be my hero, even if I never see you again

Posted by monica at 04:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Turning the Tide. Check out the comments: the trolls are having a field day with this one.

Posted by monica at 02:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

All I've had time for this week is to fix some broken links on the pictures pages - the older entries were pointing to albums on my old ices site that no longer exist.

More to come later (on your face).

Posted by monica at 02:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What will I do when chatbot technology gets so good that a proverbial "monniebot" would prove a better conversationalist than the real thing?

Cameron addresses the question by having a chat with one of these bots; while reading the transcript, I actually got a little confused as to who was the bot and who was the real person.

[cameronfactor] so if i said i thought you were a bot, what would you say to that?
[Guest8474860] me? i wouldnt know what to say!
[Guest8474860] im not though!
[cameronfactor] you're not?
[cameronfactor] prove it.
[Guest8474860] no! are you?
[cameronfactor] no, of course not.
[cameronfactor] but i think you are
[Guest8474860] why would you even ask me that, what an odd question!
[cameronfactor] well, prove it
[Guest8474860] well good for you, but im not
[cameronfactor] so that's your proof?
[cameronfactor] tell me a story about your childhood
[cameronfactor] what's your first memory?
[Guest8474860] how does someone prove they arent? i have a fat bum and like pizza!

Posted by monica at 01:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lounge singer, Richard Cheese, is famous for his lounge covers of popular songs like "Baby Got Back" (Sir Mix-a-lot) and "Fell in Love With a Girl" (White Stripes). These days his hilarious cover of "Down with the Sickness" can be found in Dawn of the Dead. His website, though ugly, is worth checking out for the song clips.

Posted by monica at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Some images from the "Global Day of Action" rally in San Francisco on March 20th, 2004.

Posted by monica at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wired's notables from SXSW: rights, cameras, action. The article also explains what was up with the "Free the Ozo 3" t-shirts at Stubbs on Sat. (And I thought that was the name of a band.)

Posted by monica at 11:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Got into school this afternoon and found a note on my desk. The sound of a disk flopping hopelessly is "creak creak creak", and that's the sound I'd been listening to at my desk for the past several weeks. It is now being replaced.

Funny, now that it's gone, I sorta miss the noise.

Braden and his girlfriend, Jennifer are in town for Spring Break. Swapless and lonely, I rang them to see if they'd like to caffienate with me before I hit the gym, but apparently Jennifer's car was the victim of a hit and run in their hotel parking lot. I'm not sure how serious it was, as they were dealing with it when I called and I didn't think it was a good time to catch up. Hopefully they'll stay in Texas long enough for Parlor pizza. Car trouble on vacation sucks (flashing back to memories of Beaumont, TX and a thwarted trip to NOLA).

Note to self
Saw some previews at Dawn of the Dead ... looks like some good action movies are coming out:

Hellboy - April 2
I, Robot - July 16, based on Isaac Asimov's book
Van Helsing - May 7, Hugh Jackman (drool) and Kate Beckinsale (looking like a prom queen with higlights and a fake tan, so sad)

Other movies I need to see eventually:
Taking Lives, Secret Window, Kill Bill, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Mystic River, Monster

Posted by monica at 12:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saw Dawn of the Dead tonight, the remake of George Romero's film of the same title. He's the guy who is also responsible for other such classics as Night of the Living Dead and Day of the Dead.

Scary. Funny. Suspenseful. Twitchy. Flesh-eating. Scabs. Boobs. Blood. Chainsaws.

Dawn of the Dead has everything a proper scary movie should have.

I was of course scared shitless the whole time. Shaking my leg. Hiding half my head under my sweatshirt.

I'm a girl like that.

But I saw it at one of those theaters where the armrests flip up so girls can jump into guys' laps when they get scared.

And I had M&M's and Diet Pepsi: great combo.

Zombie movies freak me out because some part of my brain thinks there truly could be a virus that spreads rapidly and causes people to turn into flesh-eating corpse-like monsters (it's a good thing I'm training for the apocalypse). But really? What would you do if the only thing between you and a swarm of cannibals was a midwestern shopping mall and a few weapons?

I think I'd just wait for them all to die of starvation.

Unless I went first.

I hope that's not how the human race disappears from the earth. I hope by the time that happens, or we deplete our resources, that we'll have spaceships that are fast enough and cheap enough to send people to the Moon or Mars to start a new intergalactic society.

No matter what happens, the poor people are gonna get fucked. The man's gonna be all

"I'm sorry, you won't be useful in outer space."

And Denzel'll be all

"But I'm a famous actor!"

And Space Master General will be all

"There's no movies in outer space."

Slammer.

Anyway. After Dawn of the Dead, I was so freaked out that I had to watch 2 hours of BBC America just to get my mind off it. Boosh hairs crossed for a dreamless slumber.

Posted by monica at 12:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been a very busy weekend.

Friday...
Caught up with Dave Kammeyer for pizza and beer at my place, then we headed downtown. We started at the Copper Tank North room for Gram Rabbit. Although they were a "Friday Pick" in the Chronicle, they're music struck me as the kind that might be ok recorded, but sucks live. Dave commented: "I can actually feel the bass vibrating up my chair and through my crotch." My theory is that the incredibly hot lead songstress is the key to this band's SXSW-level success.

We ended at the Copper Tank main room for Feeble Weiner and some other bands whose identity I did not bother to figure out. Scored a free tote bag.

Saturday...
Saw two shows at Stubb's. First, The Mavericks, an "alt country" band who did songs like What a Crying Shame, There Goes My Heart, and I Want to Know. Their sound definitely had an Elvis appeal, and the lead singer had an amazing operatic voice. Although I don't usually like country, it was impossible not to enjoy their energetic live act.

Afterwards I was ecstatic to (finally) see Patty Griffin. Her CD, "Living with Ghosts" was a mainstay in NOLA, so seeing her perform live really brought me back to lazy mornings in the hot summer sun at Tulane. Though she didn't sing anything from that album, all of her music is wonderful and her live act was better than I anticipated.

After Stubb's, Tim and I chilled with Dave across the street at Bull McCabe's which is apparently where the Crown & Anchor bartenders go when they need a drink. At the table next to ours, a Peter Berg (of Chicago Hope) sighting. Earlier that day, two News8Austin sightings: Doug Shupe at Kirby Lane, and Andy Langer at Stubb's.

I love people watching!

Closing thought on SXSW: if I ever do this again and buy a wristband, I'm definitely going to spend a LOT more time researching bands. It's not the kind of event where you can just walk around and find a show you like, as this would involve traversing several city blocks, waiting in lines to get into venues, and wasting a whole lot of time only to inevitably not find an act worth staying for. I had a great time, but I wish I saw more bands. But that's for another year. Now I'm happy to get back to life as usual.

Photos.

Posted by monica at 04:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's important to have goals.

For those who, by the power of the "drink", find themselves occasionally aimless, misdirected, or otherwise clueless, Modern Drunkard Magazine has compiled a helpful list: 40 Things Every Drunkard Should Do Before He Dies. I've accomplished:

4.) Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd.
8.) Embark on an impromptu road trip. - Michigan of all places, Mass 2000
14.) Buy, build or steal a home bar - In 702 W. Nevada, Urbana, IL, out of a stack of boxes and an ironing board.
15.) Get carried home by your drinking buddies.
19.) Drunkenly watch the sun come up with your best boozing buddies and a bottle. - Cherished memories, let's make some more?
21.) Hit a dozen bars in one night. - Guns n' Roses bar crawl, UIUC
24.) Juice on the job.

There's something about Sunday that's tired and long. Maybe you had a long weekend of drinking at SXSW. Or maybe you had a long weekend of drinking with your buddies. Or maybe you had a long weekend of drinking alone. Maybe you find yourself in bed with the love of your life. Maybe you find yourself in the bed of a stranger. Or maybe you find yourself on a bed of grass, squinting in the afternoon sun. Maybe you had to work all weekend. Maybe you were on holiday. Still, Sunday rolls around and the world let's out a collective sigh, regretting the end of the weekend. . .

... and little Johnny Cash seems in order.

Well, I woke up Sunday morning
With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt.
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.
Then I washed my face and combed my hair
And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.

I'd smoked my mind the night before
With cigarettes and songs I'd been picking.
But I lit my first and watched a small kid
Playing with a can that he was kicking.
Then I walked across the street
And caught the Sunday smell of someone frying chicken.
And Lord, it took me back to something that I'd lost
Somewhere, somehow along the way.

On a Sunday morning sidewalk,
I'm wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothing short a' dying
That's half as lonesome as the sound
Of the sleeping city sidewalk
And Sunday morning coming down.

In the park I saw a daddy
With a laughing little girl that he was swinging.
And I stopped beside a Sunday school
And listened to the songs they were singing.
Then I headed down the street,
And somewhere far away a lonely bell was ringing,
And it echoed through the canyon
Like the disappearing dreams of yesterday.

On a Sunday morning sidewalk,
I'm wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothing short a' dying
That's half as lonesome as the sound
Of the sleeping city sidewalk
And Sunday morning coming down.

Posted by monica at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night Tim and I made our first venture into the SXSW music festivities.

Before we headed downtown, we stopped in at Diesel to visit Ginger at some sort of band promo party they were having. The scene: BBQ, PBR, and insanely bright lights to highlight the fashion (non)sense of the indie hipsters.

We didn't stay long.

Downtown was insanely crowded and many of the shows were difficult to get into, including Pedro the Lion. In the end, I didn't get to see them. I'm sad but not at the gut level.

The highlight was singer/songwriter Ian Moore at the 18th Floor at the Crown Plaza. He reminded me a bit of Jeff Buckley with an added dose of rock OUT. The SXSW site has his song Caroline for download; listen to it.

The rest of the night was fairly lame. There was some mediocre jump-jive-and-wail type jazz at the Elephant Room, but still, a decent way to get away from the crowd. I also ran into an old coworker from C&M at UIUC.

"Are you Monica?"
"Oh my god, Eric!??!"
"Adam... but that's ok."

So that was a fun flashback and made for some good company at Maggie Mae's.

And now, today's dose of indie:
(courtesy of Diesel jeans)
(click on the image to get your indie kids in hi-res)

Posted by monica at 03:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Also useful: How To Display Special Characters in HTML.

Posted by monica at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

An evening in at last: as much as I would have liked to see Gavin Degraw last night at Antone's, I instead enjoyed a much needed night in at home. I decided to tackle the redesign of my blog, a task I've been meaning to do in honor of its 1 year anniversary (and the fact that it was starting to look as if someone had "barfed all over the page").

One of the more useful tricks I learned was utilizing MovableType categories to create automatic links on the left side of this page.

Previously I had a problem whenever I posted photos: it would take me about a month to actually create a permanent link on the main page. So inevitably, the link to the photos would get lost in the archives in the original blog entry the photo link was posted to.

So I created a category "photos" under which I added any entry that links to photos. Then I put in this fairly simple MovableType code into the main index:

<div class="sidetitle"> photos:</div>
<div class="side">
<MTEntries category="photos">
<a href="<$MTEntryPermalink$>"><$MTEntryTitle$></a><br>
</MTEntries>
</div>

Now whenever I add an entry that contains photos, I can just make that entry's category "photos" and the above code will do the rest of the work. (See example on the right.)

So, this trick will be useful.

Posted by monica at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It was my Wonder Boys moment.

Bruce Sterling invited the SXSW Interactive bunch to a post-party at his house, which just happened to be right down the street from Tim. About 600 people came and filled the place with booze, geek talk, prettiness, stinkiness, and an all around good time. Highlights include:

Free Titos.
Asking David Weinberger to take a photo of Tim and I without realizing it was David Weinberger, "A-list blogger".
Hitting it off with David Weinberger.
Swapping Wolfram stories.
Meeting Carl de Cordova and talking architecture, Everquest addiction, and Training For the Apocalypse ("interesting").
Peeing in Bruce Sterling's Bathroom.
The real indietim.
George, negrophile.
"Oh, have you ever seen the Big Lebowski?"
Getting told a bad linear algebra joke.
3 enviable porches.
Talking to a slew of tech-famous people and not even knowing it.
A bowl of corks.
Psycho Eels fan.
Shoe compliments.
Random Hyde Park notables like the Fresh Plus cashier and Quackenboosh Todd who didn't seem to mind hitting on me in front of Tim.
Drunken frat boy, speechless, resorting to the power of *the dance*.

Here's a few photos I took.
Sterling's pics of the aftermath.

Posted by monica at 12:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm trying out a new look. What do you think?

Posted by monica at 07:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since I've been looking for a job, I've come across a number of ridiculous job postings. For example:

Is this you?
Young.
Ambitious.
Creative.
Interested in the future of business and technology.
Looking to work for an innovative, cutting-edge, company.

This may be the job for you. The Energy Clinic is currently looking for a candidate to develop online products and marketing. Web skills and a willing personality are a must.

The posting goes on to request that a date and time of birth be included in the cover letter.

Fuck That Job is a brilliant blog devoted to this kind of crap.

Here's a transcript of the cover letter I sent them (and still, no request for an interview?):

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a recent Masters graduate looking to put my strong technical background to good use in a suitable career, preferably one in which my date and time of birth - July 18, 1979 4:52am - is of vital importance.

I am Young: 24 years old, no kids, with plenty of life giving marrow to suck on. I ride a moped. I inline skate. I drink beer.

I am Ambitious: my B.S. is in Mathematics and my M.S. is in Computational and Applied Mathematics, both from top tier universities in the United States. While in graduate school, I have pursued analysis, statistics, and computer programming. Outside of university, I have worked in industry as a software quality assurance tester at Wolfram Research (maker of Mathematica).

I am Creative: I make my own t-shirts. I teach math (believe it or not, that takes so much creativity it makes my brain hurt). I write. I build my own furniture.

I am Interested in the Future of Business and Technology: so much so that I like to write about it in my weblog: http://www.spacekadet.org. I love talking about technology. This I write from my laptop at a coffee shop: the wireless revolution is changing the world!

I am Looking to work for an innovative, cutting-edge, company: but of course. I like to think of myself as innovative and cutting-edge. I want to work with like-minded indivduals, people who wouldn't mind me sucking their ideas from their brains with a straw.

So here is the catch:

I am a US citizen currently residing in Austin, Texas. If I am hired, I will require visa sponsorship. I am currently taking courses at the University of Texas but I am willing to relocate myself to London immediately.

Trust me, I'm worth it.

Thank you for your consideration. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Monica Shaw

Posted by monica at 05:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

there's a wonderful storm falling on Austin at the moment. it's the perfect end to an average day spent beyond the thunderdome.

monday's weekend recovery tour of duty and detox: wake up (late). shower (optional). work up a sweat. maintain a sweat for several hours...

cycling
gym
more cycling
cleaning
random acts of pushups

expel expel expel.

i haven't felt this good in a couple weeks.

the eff party wasn't my scene. which was fine --

it's a perfect night for snuggling at home, listening to the rain and watching the lightening bursts.

Posted by monica at 11:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

tracey writes on the beauty of google. suddenly i feel closer to her.

did you ever run that marathon?
did you ever write that novel?

to google i turn, usually disappointed. unless i searched for myself: you can imagine how validated i felt when a professor told me he searched for "monica shaw austin" and i was at the top of the list.

validated? maybe.

but i get this strange feeling when, at the end of the day i find, no one's written me an e-mail, and no one's read my blog. i start to question my existence. it's supposed to be ironic, but

it burns

doesn't it?

existence. am i religious? i wonder if we are all connected in some way or another -- like the force, sans ewoks. thinking about this i have to laugh. because i used to get involved with people, and i could see that "look" in their eyes, and all i could wonder was "what do they see that i don't"? i started to believe that everyone was put on this earth for a reason, except me. somehow my conception was an accident, and i wasn't supposed to be here.

if i had only realized that this spiritual b.s. was an excuse for poor timing, i would have had a much easier time dealing with life.

sometimes i wonder if the timing had been better, would austin have worked out for me? would i have had my heart in it?

it's one of those nights.

but like little tejas said: "try not to think about what might have been, cuz that was then, and we have taken different roads."

as much as i can't wait to leave this place, i miss Austin already. but doubt it misses me.

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It's Spring Break for UT students. While Sheri and Mike C. kick it overseas, I'm remaining here in Austin. With no job, little money, and some schoolwork that demands my attention, I welcome the class-free week as a chance to both catch up and relax.

I kicked things off last Friday with a nice long workout followed by happy hour Sam Adams at the Crown. I think I'm going to put a moratorium on happy hour. It makes me tired and gives me a headache for the rest of the night. Hard to believe I used to close that bar down on similar Fridays... and continue drinking into the night... and smoke smoke smoke so much that I'd want to cut off my tongue in the morning. Hard to believe.

Looking back y'all, I don't miss nothing except the time.

So I did the draughthouse thing after that, then had a really nice night at my treehouse with Tim. We ate lasagna and watched "Final Destination", a teeny-bopper movie about some high school kids and their teacher who were supposed to die on a plane crash. Unfortunately, one of the students has a vision the crash and gets himself and a few others off the plane. Now death was catching up with them, taking em' out one by one. It was a fun flick. I'm so renting the sequel.

Speaking of Tim, he's having a much more interesting weekend than I am. He got a SXSW Interactive badge and is keeping the world posted on the conference's activity via his running conference notes. I wish I were there with him but the cost is a little too rich for my blood. But thanks to Tim, I've been able to get into the evening events - a handshake happy hour at the Lucky Lounge and a party at frog design. Despite the free booze, both were relatively lame. I would have liked to hobnob with fellow bloggers and technoweenies, but the parties weren't terribly social. Nothing like the Sun party I went to in NOLA, a geek paradise.

So I find myself at Flight Path this Sunday afternoon feeling absolutely shitty. And for what? The lesson to be taken from all this: smoking makes an otherwise good time feel like a total waste. When will that stick?

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This comic is awesome. Makes me want to start my own.

Thanks Susan Breslin and boingboing.

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So I'm having one of those fabulous mornings that can only be attributed to the ethereal bond that unites all living things.

It started at 7:46am when I awoke to the sound of quarreling cats.

Something that I would normally consider "awful" turned out to be quite shoop-worthy: I was up at a reasonable hour, and so the day began!

Scrambled eggs.
Toast.
Facon.
News on the Christ channel.

And out the door before 9am with lunch and a clean coffee mug. Even though I was half a block from the bus, the driver waited for me. Maybe that had something to do with the shuttle survey being taken today, but all the same I gave a great review.

Then coffee in RLM: the ultimate test. Waiting in line in front of me, Kate was wearing (omg) the same outfit as as I was: gym shoes, jeans, ribbed top over a blue t-shirt, and an iPod.

I wanted to say something mathy and clever like "we are the same mod t-shirt and jeans", but then I had a flashback to the time I saw a random indie guy wearing my shoes. Dangling my blue Airwalk in front of him, I said "Hey! We match!", and his look of disdain had me wishing I listened to my mother when she said "don't talk to strangers."

Let's chalk up today's silence to quiet reverence...

... the weirdness of transivity.

... and matching airwalks.

Still, funny how we are connected in the boosh matrix.

Really makes you wonder about superstrings.

The Grand Unified Boosh.

Or pure randomness.
like when a boosh flaps its wings ✂
the cool breeze.
the warm front. ☀
cheerful tunes and comfy tees.
the love that made the summer fly
and a night seem like a lifetime.

On a scale from one to awesome, this coffee is super great.
Test passed: A-.
✔ ( Does not work well with others. )

Posted by monica at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I fear this blog will suffer for training for the apocolypse, which could also use some attention.

This past Sunday, while I should have been monsterbating, I was instead drinking Fireman's Number Four at the Draughthouse, a place where Tim and I often seem to end up on warm and sunny weekend afternoons. Unfortunately, my bloodstream's recent beer drought meant that three beers had me drunk and sassy for the remainder of the day. Still, who can argue with dreams and slow beers nestled on the same side of a plastic picnic table in the parking lot of my favorite Austin brewhouse?

There are things about Austin I will miss.

We still followed through with a planned bbq. Tim bought a $16 steak! And in my stupor I over-peppered my eggplant.

Throughout all this I learned that the movie "Hysterical Blindness" is anything but hysterical. Film makers who want to make serious movies about real life issues should not set these movies in the 80's. Well, you can, but if I'm watching a movie that features Uma Thurman and Juliette Lewis dressed up like Madonna, I want some serious humor, or at least some girl-on-girl.

One major point of accomplishment: we bought SXSW wristbands. Every year we fail, but in this last stitch effort to suck the marrow out of austin's brittle bones we are going to do the music "thing". I had a look at the the band list and I'm pretty sure the $100+ price tag on the wristbands will be worth it. Among the list I'd like to check out: Alkaline Trio, Shane Bartell, The B-52s, BoDeans, Cake, The Gourds, Patty Griffin, Robyn Hitchcock, Los Lonely Boys, Modest Mouse, Pedro the Lion, Pete Yorn

Apparently Minnie Driver is a Singer/Songwriter? Who knew. There is also a band performing called "I Love Math"! I'm going to have to spend a fair bit of time listening to new music so I know what to see. I'd rather discover some new artists rather than see a bunch of bands I already know I like or have liked or am familiar with one song of theirs I like. I'm so glad this coincides with spring break.

Posted by monica at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

At the Post Office today I noticed a Paul Robeson stamp had just been issued in honor of this activists' achievements against racism. It reminded me of the "Hetzel Union Building and Paul Robeson Center" at Penn State. I knew nothing of this Paul Robeson before PSU and since then, I and the fellow MASSers hold his legacy in deep appreciation. So I bought a sheet and must now find an excuse to snail-mail James and Courtney.

... perhaps tomorrow. I'm feeling "rough around the edges" today, and for the past couple days. After the java project owned me, I'm left with a messy apartment and a an even messier head. I feel bad that I've been a bit of a "handful" to the people around me. Hopefully a day or two to myself will bring me back.

I'm tempted to indulge myself in "Extreme Makeover." I love makeover shows. One of my dream jobs would be to produce a makeover show for computer nerds. I tried to run a "hygiene workshop" for ACM at UIUC, but they wouldn't have it. Physical appearance plays such a huge happiness role in this society. For some reason I'm incredibly touched by the affect that these makeovers have on people's self-esteem. I'm such a sucker.

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feeling a bit tired and foggy today, i thought i'd enjoy building a blog more than studying. so i finally put together a starting point for training for the apocalypse. it needs a lot of work but i've finally begun the process!

this makes me very very happy.

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Back when I was a freshman in high school, I decided to dress up as a Borg for halloween (it's a start trek thing if you don't know). The costume was amazing: LEDs, big rubber tubes, wires, control panels, the works. I found most of my supplies at this fabulous store in Skokie, IL called "American Science and Surplus." It was a huge warehouse full of everything you could ever possibly need in life -- beakers, transistors, model kits, telescopes, colanders, you name it.

So I go by Mike's cube the other day and what do I see on his desk but an "American Science and Surplus" catalog. Turns out they've got their inventory on the interweb. Now I can order stuff like bags of eyeballs and robot parts from here in Austin, TX.

Other than that, my week has been devoted to completing a project for my java class. I don't want to go into it -- it's sucking the life out of me.

So general stress and malarky.
And not a block of cheese in sight.

I worry about finishing my project. I worry about finding a job. I worry about my family. I worry about you. Last night I found myself at the Crown & Anchor at last call. I thought to myself with furrowed brows: "I probably shouldn't go anywhere until I sort out all the things that have led to my sitting at this table and drinking this beer." But I've been saying that for years, and still I end up at the Crown drinking and dying. So I'm trying to change my thinking, and get back to where I once belonged (before I grew a heart and a sex drive). I'm 24 years old - who knows, these could be the "good old days".

this is my routine -- worry mon through wed followed by wonderment at my ability to be a stress bucket. issall bullshiiit. i'm the coolest person in the room. stay tuned tomorrow for more sense and a apology.

So I say to you now, at the trim of the boosh: I am going to move to London. I am going to make the positive changes in my life that will make this happen. I am going to be me. I have to put Austin and all it's love and hate behind me. this is my butter spot.

sorry isn't good enough for austin

still, couldn't you have told me you were letting go?

i never heard you say goodbye

so i'm giving up

No more wishing and hoping -- just straight up action, Alicia Bridges style.

i found myself at the bus stop last night. got a cup of coffee, listened to some tunes, sheltered my iPod from the sprinkling drizzle. then suddenly:

"NOTHING CAN STOP THIS LONELY RAIN FROM FALLIN!"

it was like i forgot i was out in public or something. i got some sympathetic smiles from the audience. oh austin, sometimes i wonder about you. could we have been something more than a power ballad tribute band?

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This weekend I tried out Manuel's at 310 Congress. As you might infer, it is a Mexican restaurant with a menu full of things like enchiladas and chile rellenos. The decor is contemporary: dim lighting, mirrors, booths.

I was a little skeptical due to the downtown nature of the excursion -- am I the only one who associates downtown Austin with dirt and filth and stinkiness?

But Manuel's surprised me. Despite the potential for eurotrash, I quite liked the restaurant. The dim light was vaguely romantic but more importantly, meant that dressing up was optional. The booths were comfortable and the service was average. Everyone there seemed to be having a good time.

The food was quite delicious. We got two appetizers: quesadillas and gorditas. The gorditas were awesome -- potato and corn masa = yum. The quesedillas were standard but tasty.

Pam and I got the black bean and cheese flautas: sort of like a grilled enchilada. They were awesome! The black beans were refried and spiced up. The ranchero sauce also had some good flavor (though I still prefer Julio's ranchero). Also, the dish came with guacamole: who could ask for anything more?

Tim said his tacos were excellent. Overall, dinner for 4 plus 1 bottle of wine cost less than $80. I'd say that's an excellent deal and I will definitely go back.

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words of inspiration from the blog lia created to impress a philosophy major:

For instance: laughter. Why do people laugh? Or, more specifically, (1) what makes something funny, (2) why is humor so important to us, and (3) why does humor trigger the stomach rattling, throat tickling response we call laughter?

For a few brief moments I felt that the water, the trees, and the sun were somehow mine - like I had discovered them for the first time. I could close my eyes and feel at one with my surroundings, and it was so wonderful. People need friends and support in this mad world, but at the same time should not be afraid to go off exploring on thier own from time to time.

Posted by monica at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

in the wake of pam, i am inspired to pay tribute to all my loves that have passed in the night.

Lonely Day - Phantom Planet
Since You're Gone - The Cars
Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House
These Days - Nico
O Girlfriend - Weezer
Different Drum - Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies
When You Come Back To Me - World Party
Sucked Out - Superdrag

this was my dream
played out rockin' routine...
who sucked out the feeling?

it was probably me.

oh to relive some of the magic... between the sheets in lubbock... and two sheets to the wind in madlibs.

but speaking of dreams, i had a real doozie last night: i played football at UT, and all the other football players didn't like me because i was a chick or whatever. so i'm in bed (in the dream) and i sense someone at the door -- the football players had arrived to put an end to me. i managed to fight them off but it was all quite scary and confusing because the dream took place in my apartment and in bed where i was sleeping. when i woke up i locked my door and hid under the covers.

i think i had the dream because i had recently been reading about the colorado football scandal. no hidden meaning here.

i'm putting a moratorium on awards shows and livejournals. both are making me hate the world.

update: yay
sheri likes my position on the moratorium.

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