spacekadet

It's amazing how weekends change when drinking and smoking suddenly aren't an option.

First of all, I wake up earlier: today I arose at around 8:30am. And I was AWAKE... none of this ethereal haze of a hangover whose only cure is 4 hours in front of Sex and the City and fried food. None of this not remembering the conversations I had the night before.

None of this feeling like ass.

The evenings are a little rough. Last night I tried to go to happy hour at the Crown but I didn't last very long. I've been feeling uncomfortable hanging out with the other grad students, and that paired with smokers had me craving cigarettes like a bitch. So I traded up for some not necessarily better company.

The whole thing was a bitter realization that I can't really handle going to bars yet. I was okay for a while, but I'm so on edge lately that any of my old triggers are just too tempting.

So tonight I stayed in haxx0ring the interweb. Tim and I spent way too much time trying to get our favicons to work (the little icon in the html field). We eventually succeeded (and by "we", I mean Tim figured it out first and then I followed his lead). Naturally, it was all just stupid and easy in the end. Fucking computers suck away so much time! And yet, this is fun for me.

That reminds me, we had pizza delivered from The Flying Tomato Pizza Kitchen, or as Tim calls it, "stupid pizza" because they have bullshit like "Thai Chicken Pizza" and "Texas Gulf Shrimp Scampi Pizza" (???). But free delivery. We went with "The Greek Goddess" which had mozzarella, kalamata olives, artichoke hearts, pepperocinis, roasted garlic and feta cheese. No sauce though, which I missed. Excellent thin crust, however; I'll go back to try the more standard "Pizza Margherita" (tomato sauce, cheese, roma tomatoes and fresh basil).

So overall it's been good keeping things simple lately. I'm doing lots of things I've been wanting to do like learn java, exercise almost daily, and cook lots. I have little time left to do the things I need to do like look for a job! I guess the trouble is that I'm excited about java and fitness; I'm not so excited about the job hunt. Every time I start, I become really scared because I feel like 19 years in school means 19 years not learning real life skills. Stats jobs want me to know SAS, which I don't, analysis jobs want me to be an programming guru, which I'm not, and everything else wants experience experience experience, which I don't have. It's quite daunting but I'm sure I'll pull through, even if that means going through a recruiter type person.

But for tonight I'm digging this NetNewsWire thing. There's some neat new feeds out there...

- iTunes Music Store RSS Feed Generator
- Dilbert
- Word Of The Day
- RuPaul!!

Posted by monica at 10:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Such is the sad state of my world66 visited countries map.

In the future, I hope my map looks more like this:

So where do I go first?

Posted by monica at 08:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I just downloaded NetNewsWire, a neat piece of software that lets me view frequently updated web content (blogs, news, etc) in one sorted place. It also has a weblog editor so I can edit spacekadet.org without using a web browser. I am trying out that feature right now! You can syndicate my site in your favorite newsreader, too!

I'm also watching Reno911! on Comedy Central. It's a mockumentary-type program about a police force. Hilarious.

TV is so evil.

Posted by monica at 07:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

mega props to bkowitz who recently sent me some tunes by The Bens, i.e. Ben Folds, i.e. Ben Lee and Ben Kweller. i've got four songs i can't stop listening to, and i need more. but for now, "Bruised" will do nicely...

Oh no
Love just leaves you bruised if you wanna know
then find something to lose

And I got the scars to prove it

Posted by monica at 08:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I just saw LOTR: Return of the King. After sitting through 3 hours of the movie, it was a little annoying that the end was so drawn out and cheesy. But overall it was an impressive film. It rekindled a fancy for Sean Astin that I thought I had lost after The Goonies.

On a more somber note, the more I try to dislike Sheryl Crowe's music, the more I find myself sucked in. Today I was in the shower listening to the radio and I heard this song that started with a guy singing and I was like "this is nice". Then Sheryl Crowe busts out: it's a duet with Kid Rock. And it's perfect. And it's called "Picture".

I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they wont tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me
Somethin' just ain't right
I been waitin' on you for a long time
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I put your picture away

I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're living life this way
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just called to say, I love you come back home

Posted by monica at 01:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tim sent me this today (from an unidentified source):

Bum Blast
Cell phones can sure be a pain in the ass sometimes. Mohamed Radzuan Yasin, of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, learned this the hard way when he left his recharging phone on the bed next to him while taking a nap. Radzuan was bolted awake when his cell phone spontaneously combusted and shattered into pieces. "The explosion scalded my buttocks, while there were burn marks on the mattress and the wall," said Radzuan. The 40-year-old electrician has since been treated for his injuries at a hospital and filed a police report.

This scares me because I usually sleep with my phone as it happens to double as my alarm. I also usually sleep ON my phone because the vibration action helps wake me up. So now I have an alarm clock on my amazon.com wishlist, and you have yet another reason to bug me about getting a real clock in my apartment.

Posted by monica at 02:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

today my bio seminar, held in a small, unventilated basement room of PAT, was privy to a caterred bbq lunch. it was a meat and slop fest of stink and slobber. my clothes must have absorbed the vapors because i reek of meat. but speaking of grade A top choice meat, it is worth mentioning that sheribomb's far-flung friend, margo, has a livejournal. i met margo last week while she was visiting sheri. she's a fine girl with impeccable posture who likes nachos but does not like dead bodies

Posted by monica at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

after a very productive morning (culinarily speaking), my ipod and i headed out the door to catch the bus en route to ut. walking down the driveway, the song "time after time" pops into my head.

Flashback warm nights...Almost left behind...Suitcases of memories...

and i was in such a good mood. i turn on the iPod as fast as i can and who plays first on my random playlist but Cindy Fucking Lauper's fucking drum being out of fucking time. ok, weird.

so i track forward, and it's Breath, "Hands To Heaven", with it's melodramatic intro synth sap. for those of you who are wondering, the lyrics are not "tonight you hold my breast's love nest" but rather "tonight you calm my restlessness".

danger! i tracked forward again. Joe Jackson, "Breaking Us In Two". by this point i'm sucked in for a bus ride of sad 80's to tug on the ol' heart strings. the thing about mushy music is that i can be in the best mood ever, everything could be going right, then something like "Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House could come on the radio and i totaly lose it in girl-inspired romantic gush. i'm talking the kind of gush that warms you up from the inside out and makes your face red and your eyes water. either the gods of cheese and romance are trying to tell me something, or i need to diversify my iPod's playlist.

on an aside, during all of thise i noticed the clip on my iPod case had partially snapped. this sucks because now, instead of Simple Minds' "Alive and Kicking", i'm going to have to listen to grunts and gasps at the gym.

joe, you're killin' me...

Could we be much closer if we tried?
We could stay at home and stare into each other's eyes
Maybe we could last an hour
Maybe then we'd see right through
Always something breaking us in two.

Posted by monica at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

cs315 uses a rediculous online "judge" to determine the correctness of (i.e. grade) our homework assignments. i spent most of last night beating myself over the head because judge jackass kept returning "wrong answer", even though it worked on my computer. turns out all i was doing wrong was using inline comments, which the judge can't "handle". very frustrating.

also frustrating is the recent wealth of new years resolutions clogging the gym. even at 10pm last night i had to wait for an elliptical machine. but there was plenty of room by the weights which is the only place i can't handle when it's crowded. i made the mistake of going to greg gym the other day...at 3pm. the first thing i noticed was that superman had put on a couple christmas pounds. then i noticed the crowd; people were scrunched up by the weights trying to fit a curl in. i gave up and rode one of those excercise bikes for 30 minutes, even though i hate them because i always feel like i'm sliding off the seat.

don't get me wrong, superman is still my personal hero. rumor has it he smells bad, which gives me even more justifaction to admire him from afar.

despite the lameness of my evening, i'm glad to be (ever so slowly) learning java. and it wasn't all that unpleasant. tea, crumpets, music, a comfy chair, and a warm laptop on my lap sounds like a near ideal way to spend a chilly thursday evening. it would be even more ideal if the laptop were replaced by a lap dance. actually i don't know about that. no one has ever given me a lap dance before. i'm sure i'd just sit there making sarcastic comments the whole time. if i could eat crumpets and drink tea while i got the lapdance, then maybe i'd sit through it... like a movie. but for now, i'll just take the laptop, thanks.

must get on with showering, studying, classing, excercising, eating eating eating, writing resumes, finding a job. so many eggs. so many choices. omelette or scrambled? quads or lats? boston or seattle? nicely trimmed or cleaner than a catholic school girl?

what would burt reynolds do?

Posted by monica at 09:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I enjoy long walks on the beach, coding by candle light, and spending countless hours trying to understand my inner nerd.

the above is an excerpt from one of the responses i received to my "study group wanted" post on the cs315 (algorithms & data shavers) newsgroup. (we're required to form study groups of six, otherwise i'd stick to my usual antisocial classroom tactics.) this experience is bringing me back to acm at uiuc. aside from programming computers, there is a juvenile yet clever sense of humor that unites many men plagued with both social ineptitude and a propensity for machines. i, too, was once naive and took these specimens at face value: individuals who, oh, may not have the best sense of fashion in the world, but share some common interests with me so may be worth talking to.

by the end of my freshman year in college, i couldn't avoid the acm enough. it ruined me. if a guy tells me he's in "computer science" or "electrical engineering", i feel my legs brace for flight. conversation is useless, because they're probably imagining me with my top off. or they're thinking...

"at last a chance to lose my virginity!
let's not pass this up!!!"

have i become too cynical or overly self-diluted? why did i choke up with anxiety when i noticed i'm one of only 2 white females in a cs class of over 100? i fear issues. i fear drama. i fear awkardness. even though i'm all "grown up", can i count on the same in these people? maybe my experience was strictly a condition isolated to geeks residing in illinois between the years 1998 and 2002. am i losing my cool?

fuck - maybe i'm a geek, too??

i just hope that in the last few years i've learned a thing or two about enforcing my drama shields against NMD (nerds of mass destruction). let's face it, i may study math and play with computers, but i also have styley glasses, a passport, a guy with an accent, an omega juicer, and over 300 instances of nookie under my belt. i'm above all this. in fact i should forget about geeks, delete this, and get on with tabulating more boom-boom.

christ - maybe it's true that the things we hate in others are the same things we hate in ourselves?

i just want to learn java and go home.

Posted by monica at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

early this morning awoke feeling generally pissed off about what became of my life at ut-austin. i came to the conclusion that this town and this school is bad for me. i feel surrounded by complacency. there's nothing wrong with being devoted to a phd or a career or a family. but i feel like i'm going nowhere. i'm not ready to settle yet. and sitting around drinking beer isn't exactly helping me get out of bed in the morning with a purpose. there's gotta be something bigger out there than happy hour prices and tired, drunk conversation, conversation i rarely remember the next day anyway. once again, i'm in search of greater meaning.

so i've sorted out a couple of plans slash goals.

for the next two weeks i will not consume any alcohol.

within the next four months i'd like to be in the best physical shape i've ever been in. this shouldn't be hard because i've never really been in great shape to begin with. even when i was working out regularly, i smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish. i'm not exactly sure what this physical "shape" will entail, as my body type is resistent to "lean"ness. so the goal is to follow my own detailed regime for the next 4 months and see what happens. i may be sad to find that my top physical shape leaves me looking very similar to where i'm at now. but i'll feel more comfortable walking around naked, and that's what really counts in this socially retarded world.

i want to be out of my apartment by the end of may. i want to spend the summer travelling. this goal is financial and may require the selling off of some precious items. but this is inevitable: by the end of summer i would like to be moved out of austin, with a job secured in a dope ass city.

life is too damn short!

Posted by monica at 11:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From the NY Post on a compelling documentary about obesity and the evils of fast food:

"I was feeling like a typical American on Thanksgiving - very bloated and happy on the couch - and at some point on the news they were talking about two women who were suing McDonald's.

"People from the food industry were saying, 'You can't link kids being fat to our food - our food is nutritious.'

"I said, 'How nutritious is it really? Let's find out."

Posted by monica at 11:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Happy Chinese New Year!! 2004 is the year of the monkey based on the Chinese lunar calendar. This may be a good time to reevaluate those new years resolutions you made 22 days ago, especially the ones you broke by January 3rd. Or it may just be another reason to get drunk all over again.

Things have settled down slightly in this chaotic mess.

Justic was served yesterday afternoon at the Municipal Court of Austin. My noise violation citation was dismissed with no effort on my part. I had to sit through a trial for a speeding ticket which was a bit like watching a crossover of "Night Court" and "Law & Order". It's true; the judge bore an uncanny likeness in both character and physical appearance to that of Judge Stone. The state's attorney, however, was over the top, agressive, but very rarely made any sense at all. Soon after the speeding ticket was dismissed, a woman in a bad pants suit came in with a yellow sheet of paper and told me my case had been dismissed as well.

Thanks for encouraging me to fight the system. You were right: it was worth it.

In other news, I've been having trouble keeping track of my new "busy" lifestyle, so i've started using my icalendar again. At the moment all I've got going on is my current course schedule. I'm really happy about my classes. As this will be my final semester, I'm taking courses that should hopefully prove both "fun" and useful:

Advanced Systematics (computational biology stuff)
Computational Phylogenetics (a catered seminar)
Algorithms (theory stuff)
Algorithms and Data Structures (programming, finally I will learn java ... I'm taking this one credit/no credit)

The algorithms classes are undergrad computer science courses. It's a little underwhelming to be in classes of 100 again, surrounded by greasy gangly geeks. It also made me feel old.

Kung Hei Fat Choy!

Posted by monica at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

server maintainance last night, but it looks like we're back in business.

i'm a little stressed out at the moment:

i've been running around trying to figure out what classes to take. nothing appeals, but i think i've narrowed it down to two promising biology classes and two undergraduate computer science classes.

i just found out this morning that my paycheck is going to be delayed, which really puts a damper on things like rent and automatic bill payments.

i have to go to court this afternoon to fight a bullshit noise violation i recieved many moons ago. me? disorderly conduct? never!

and i have absolutely no idea why i'm up this early when i don't have to be at school until noon. i must have the jitters; i always get this way before a tough case.

Posted by monica at 08:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i have a feeling this week will be the culmination of several weeks of general neglect and self torture, albeit a whole lot of fun.

last weekend was ideal, as far as vacation weekends go. i made the decision to not feel bad about enjoying myself, even at the expense of my physical health. tim's friend, xandros, is in town for the week. he's a swell guy. we did lots of walking: from hyde park to town lake to the alamo. inbetween i relaxed my brains out on food, drink, and nicotene. i think i spent all of last friday drunk off my ass. i'm hoping to suck the marrow out of the rest of this week. classes start today, and soon the homework will start rolling in, along with the stress and a structured, scheduled lifestyle. oh the insufferable sadness. but i'm not a kid anymore, and my body doesn't like being beaten by substance like it used to. my body used to let me get away with so much. now it wants to be fat and saucy. and so a battle will begin that will inevitably ensue for the rest of my life. i will start with general cleansing. air instead of smoke. carrot juice instead of beer. bicycle instead of scooter. rationally speaking, the benefits are obvious: abs that double as a cheese grater, productivity instead of drunkeness, self confidence, and a tastier boosh. irrationally, of course, i will miss my indulgences.

believe me, this can only temporary.

and it all starts monday.

monday monday. you really can't trust that day.

Posted by monica at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

busy weekend. the kind of weekend worthy of culminating winter break.

tomorrow i have to figure out what classes i'm taking. then tuesday, the beginning of the end of my "career" as a student.

Posted by monica at 12:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

finally, a show about women that men will actually watch.

Posted by monica at 10:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it's rainy and miserable today.

wanted: energy.

i feel like getting dressed up and going out for some fun.

but where's the fun on a day like this?

Posted by monica at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love.

It's taken me months to get the shit kicked out of me by "Love, Actually", the latest movie by Richard Curtis (creator of the lovely Bridget Jones), but I finally made it. It's superstar cast of sexy english accents is enough to make this movie a success to any American female looking for a fairytale. But what's best about this movie is that it's not so much a fairytale at all as it is a dramatic cavalcade of all aspects of every possible love scenario imaginable. By avoiding gory detail, this movie manages to highlight the love trials of a dozen or so people who are loosely connected in some way or another. And by trials, I do mean the tortures as well as the cheer. Liam Neeson plays a recently widowed father of a boy who's in love with the most popular girl in school. Emma Thompson embodies emotional strength as the wife of Alan Rickman whose recently taken a fancy to his secretary. Colin firth plays the jilted writer who finds love with his Portugese cleaning lady (despite the language barrier). Hugh Grant is, as always, adorable as the British Prime Minister who takes a rather sheepish liking to his tea girl (Martine McCutcheon). You can imagine my glee when I found that Martin Freeman was playing half naked as the sex-act double who fancies the lucky lady he's pretending to hump. Without a doubt, however, Bill Nighy steals the show as a once popular rock star trying to make a comeback with an extremely tacky take on the song "Love is All Around" by Wet Wet Wet ("So if you believe in Christmas, come on and let it snow..."). Without Nighy, the movie may have ended in too much gush; his may be the most honest character in the movie. "When I was young, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone." But he still finds love... with his plump manager who'd been with him through his whole career.

I'm a girl, so I was smiling through the entire movie. It's funny, it's sad, it's romantic candy for the soul (cuz we all know that love never happens like it does in the movies -- and if you think differently, shame on you!).

The movie's right about one thing: there's not much worse than the total agony of being in love. But when it's all said and done, you just have to laugh.

Posted by monica at 10:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Surprise. I had a most surprising evening last night. I went to the Texas Showdown Saloon on Guadalupe with Sheri, Joel, and Evan. Later, Jason, Andrea, and Evan's gay friend who shops at "By George" met up with us. The Showdown Saloon is a pretty decent bar -- it's huge with pool tables and darts and pinball machines and a killer beer garden. No liquor, but it's casual. I wasn't really feeling the bar games last night. I guess I wasn't feeling much of anything. Evan tells me I should take my departure from graduate school as an opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do. Perhaps instead of a job I should seek donations. I could become one of those magazine nazi's. Then maybe I could afford to live naked in Greece for a while... at least until I "find myself".

In the end I left pretty early, and realized soon afterwards that the walk was pretty long from the Showdown to my house. I was also tired, so I thought I'd swing by JP's and caffienate. On the way, however, I was assaulted by Mike G. and couldn't resist having a couple more beers with him and the crew at my former local pub. It turned out to be exactly the kind of low key, undramatic outting I needed. Finally, an hour without worrying about all the shit going on in my life that's getting me down. I need more hours like that.

So Mike was in the audience of the "Ellen Show" a couple days ago. BOSS.

Posted by monica at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

if i told you i like "the ellen degeneres show", would you still respect me in the morning?

last night i found myself at the ginger man with tim and his former tenant, scott, along with scott's gf and her possy of friends and cheese. i hadn't been out to a bar in a while, so it was a nice break from drinking by myself in my treehouse. tim seems to have a knack for finding exceedingly nice people to befriend (aside from one vile exception). perhaps this is the difference between the working world and the graduate school population: for some reason two of my major vices -- a grossly juvenile sense of humor and a lack of self control when it comes to alcohol -- take over when i hang out with my fellow students. sometimes it's nice to play grown-up once in a while. when i first moved to austin, i resolved to stop being "gross". my relationship with ryan, an extremely impressionable but horribly cute guy who has absolutely no interest in opening my pleasure package, had me using every crude ounce in my body just to get a rise out of him. after i moved away, i was so good for a while. then one night, the first night i ever hung at the crown with the mathies, one person started joking about sex and my clean streak was over. i remember saying "oh no, i'm being bad" and after that it was all over. i like being a goof. but it always gets me in trouble. anyway, the ginger man was pretty fun even though we were too late for the duvel glasses. scott mentioned the spacekadet B-log. blush.

even though i only had 3 beers last night, i've been a little sluggish today. i was up in time to watch "ellen". i had a big breakfast and then a little nap. coffee and a shower cured my afternoon lethargy, as did a visit from sheribomb who is back from h-town. as much as i'm scared as fuck about my future, i'm looking forward to classes starting. i've started reading too many blogs about people i don't know and watching too much tv. i am strangely more motivated to accomplish personal goals when i have non-personal responsibilities to attend to.

here's a good article on new years substitutions i found off of dennis lucey's blog.

Posted by monica at 08:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

you've probably been wondering where i've been all weekend. a romantic getaway? a religious retreat? backpacking? mountain biking? pole dancing in the washington d.c. metro?

i wish.

my weekend was fair as far as weekends go. friday night was uneventful. i started out optimistic and lit some candles for a night of grooming. you can imagine my insufferable sadness when i found out my clippers broke after less than a year of ownership! i guess they weren't durable enough for my tough demands.

after that, there was nothing left to do but drink beer and pass out on my front porch with a lit cigarette in my mouth. i woke up on my back at 4am with ashes all over my face and my landlord's boot on my throat.

i guess i'm not what they bargained for.

they got over it when i went on and broke em' off wit a lil' preview of the remix.

saturday was pretty great. i had a fantastic afternoon in my apartment foggin' windows up and thuggin' it out. but no food. so to julio's for enchiladas which seemed especially good that day. even as tizzle and i were still in the middle of our meals, we were already looking forward to going back the next day for some more bliss. but when we returned on sunday, julio's was closed!

the only thing that could make up for it was a chile relleno at serrano's.

some other stuff happened but i'm afraid it does not concern you. and after all, some things are best left unexplained. i mean, how does one explain the experience of a triple cumshot? or a perfect ice cream sandwich? or a paris and nicole sandwich? this i leave to the real writers of the world.

today feels too drab to think about the orgasmatron without actually taking a ride in the orgasmatron. things started out so well. i got up early and had a nice bike ride. but when i got home i realized i stupidly left the refrigerator open a smidge overnight and i fjeared the condition of my eggs and milk -- my early morning jumpstart devices. by the time i showered and went to the heb and got back i was so hungry that i hastily stuffed my face full of leftover chile relleno. it was sooo good. now i feel sooo tired.

no matter what happens, i'm gong to see "Love Actually" before the week's end. i've been dying to see it since it came out, and something always gets in the way. but today i realized that my current actor-crush, Martin Freeman (Tim on BBC's "The Office"), has a small role in the film. now i'm super determined. but more importantly, this week is already in desparate need of some comedy.

Posted by monica at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

sheri's got a B-log!!!!!

Posted by monica at 09:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

poor little rich booshes.

i heard the song "king of wishful thinking" on the radio today. it got me thinking of songs i'd put on an album entitled "80's and 90's love ballands for your inner middle-aged woman". here's what i've thought of so far:

go west - "king of wishful thinking"
take that - "back for good"
all saints - "never ever"
survivor - "high on you"
wet, wet, wet - "love is all around"
mr. bigg - "to be with you"
cheap trick - "the flame"
crowded house - "don't dream it's over"
joshua kadison - "jessie" and "beautiful in my eyes"
eric carmen - "turn the radio up"
extreme - "more than words"
goo goo dolls - "iris"
little texas - "white might have been"
lucinda williams - "passionate kisses"
bonnie tyler - "total eclipse of the heart"
paula abdul - "rush rush"
patrick swayze - "she's like the wind"

and pretty much anything by Chicago during the Peter Cetera years.

i think this would be a great mix, but i'm pushin' for a Time-Life 4-CD set worthy of infomercial fame. so what am i missing?

i just noticed that the all saings song "never ever" includes the line "A to ZED".

Posted by monica at 07:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 04:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

last night i had the second in what i hope will be a series of reocurring dreams involving michael douglas. the first dream i had was some months ago. i remember being at a get together at my parents' house, and michael was there looking sexy as ever. i worked my charm and he worked his way back to my place. sadly, this wasn't to be a sex dream. last night in rem i arrived here at my not-so-new abode with maureen. i checked my voice mail and found a message from michael douglas - he wanted to see me! i spent the rest of the dream debating with maureen whether or not it was a good idea. what an IDIOT i was. i wasted so much time in debate that my cat, ivy, woke me up before michael could even enter the picture.

i might watch "wonder boys" tonight in hopes that it will spur another dream. i hope so, because i could never go through with it in real life. catherine zeta-jones is one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen (those hips!) and i couldn't wrong her like that.

what does the dream mean? it's clearly a reflection on hesitations i had in chicago about getting together with old friends and flames. some phone calls i'd rather not get.

but other phone calls are most welcome. the other night i talked to james for about 2 hours while i drank beers and fantasized about smoking at McAllister (sp?). there isn't much to say about it, really, but it was a really good chat and i hope james makes it down to austin this summer as planned. i need to have some adventures. however, this time i will think twice about pretending that i'm a swinger. which reminds me, deanne, the Malcom stories are painful, but should you ever encounter this dredded, trenchcoat-clad bicurious beast, those stories may also protect you. be on special look-out at Town Hall. in fact, best to avoid that place all together. and don't accept any rides from the beast.

yesterday was quite a good day indeed. i fasted all morning for indian buffet in the afternoon with sheri at the Madras Pavilion. the food wasn't bad cuz it's all about the dosai. but i really wanna go back in the evening when i can order some veggie moglai off the menu (not to be confused with the veggie mogwai you may have seen in the popular Gremlin movies).

after food we were totally MPed (a term Dave Diode and I use to refer to the need for a nap that an MP meal seems to instigate). so we went to JP's Java for coffee. i like JP's - it's comfortable and they have free wireless. i like it even more now that i know they'll dilute their grossly strong house blend coffee. but why is this place a mecca for math graduate students? sometimes i want to go where people DON'T know my name, and that never happens at JP's. but yesterday afternoon surprisingly did not test the limits of my social patience. we ended up hanging out with jay and later, shel, both of whom are good people. of the 4 of us, 3 of our winter breaks "blew", which i would imagine is an accurate statistic for the rest of the american population. no satisfaction, even for us lucky bitches who actually have a winter break and get to spend it sipping coffee in the sun and stuffing our faces with curry.

after all of this i went home and decided to try out pizza dough in my bread maker. i think this bread maker may have beent he missing link between me and perfect pizza crust. either that or whole wheat flour. right, so i made some whole wheat pizza dough in the breadmaker. i was worried because it came out really sticky. but in the end it was really good -- and thin! i've been having trouble with thin crust; it always doubles in size in the oven. but last night it was close to perfect. it even had some crust bubbles in the middle.

one of my favorite pasttimes is eating WHILE watching a movie. last night i finished "Gangs of New York" with Leonardo Dicaprio and Daniel Day Lewis. the movie was almost 3 hours long but it held my attention. the first fight scene was pretty amazing, with the bloody snow and all. and Daniel Day Lewis has come so far since Last of the Fucking Mohecans -- he was awesome as Bill the "Butcher", the leader of the gang of natives. you know how you go to some movies, and the movie is ok, and the ending is on the same impact level as the rest of the movie so you end up leaving on a neutral keal? "Gangs of New York" was not like this at all -- it had one of the best endings i've seen in a movie. i don't want to give it away, but as you can imagine, it had a ton of action. but more enjoyable for me was the graphic telling of the civil war's influence on the gang wars. it was interesting how the gangs were so caught up in protecting their miniscule "Five Points" that they didn't see that the rest of the country was falling apart around them.

it's friday.. what i really feel like doing is spending the day cleaning up my place, and spending the night out drinking. but i don't think the latter half of that wonderful dream is going to happen. unless i spend the night in. drinking. with michael douglas.

peace out.

Posted by monica at 09:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?

lived alone ... and liked it.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

can't remember last year's resolutions. made more this year: don't smoke, get my butt back, get a job

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

no thank goodness.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

i've always felt very close to john ritter.

5. What countries did you visit?

none - so sad.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

a disposable income... but even more than that, a stable existence.

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

oh i'm so bad with dates.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

passing a prelim - something i never ever thought i'd be able to do.

9. What was your biggest failure?

hmm, if you know me, then i don't need to answer this question.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

i think i got a cold at some point.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

canon s50 digital camera.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

enrique iglesias -- got rid of the mole!!!!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

my own.

14. Where did most of your money go?

aside from rent: beer, cigarettes, lap dances...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

coming back to austin from athens, ga.

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?

The Postal Service's "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight".

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

less sad

ii. thinner or fatter?

15 lbs thinner... i think i lost muscle, though... i only went down 2 pant sizes. (see new years' resolution)

iii. richer or poorer?

richer... maybe by a couple bucks.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

studying
working out
touching myself

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

beer
ciggies
touching the remote

20. How did you spend Christmas?

in mokena, il with the extended family. i made a salad.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?

occasionally on the weekends.

23. How many one night stands?

maybe if i were that kind of girl i would have spent less time fondling the remote.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?

six feet under

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

hate is not my style

26. What was the best book you read?

"the post office", charles bukowski
probably because that's the only book i read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Vienna Teng and Jonathon Larson beyond Rent.

28. What did you want and get?

i wanted a bread maker!!! and a kiss on new years eve.

29. What did you want and not get?

i wanted to travel. and a kiss on new years day.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

equilibrium - it's an older movie but i saw it this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i turned 24 on my birthday. i can't divulge the details - this blog is rated PG-13.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

i can only pick one thing? -- cozy living spaces.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?

cold dark lesbian prude

34. What kept you sane?

julio's enchiladas

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

christina aguilera

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

lies about wmd

37. Who did you miss?

i really missed ryan and jason, my late night conversation companions back in illinois.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

aside from Lisa the australian chick who gave me "i'm me and i'm loving it" in MD, definitely Ginger whose lineage i am not familiar with.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.

new jeans should be snug... and they should lift and separate.

40. What was the best thing to happen to the web this year?

spacekadet blog

41. Who did you steal this from?

tony pierce

42. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I go to school
I write exams
If I pass if I fail if I drop out
Does anyone give a damn

And if I do
They’ll soon forget
'Cause it won’t take much for me
To show 'em my life ain't over yet

Posted by monica at 06:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes
And find a love to call your own
You - enter you
Your cheeks a shade of pink
And the rest of you in powder blue

Who knows what will be
But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone
You tell me the names of your brothers
And your favorite colors
I'm learning you
And when it snows again
We'll take a walk outside
And search the sky
Like children do
I'll say to you

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town
and look around at all the beautiful houses
something in the way that blue lights on a black night
can make you feel more
everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be
just like you and me

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
Come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave
And we someday take that away
I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day

Posted by monica at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

shoutout to Deanne in MD!!!

Posted by monica at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

my sister went back to chi yesterday which means i now face the daunting task of finding a job. ideally someone would hire me before jan 20 so i don't have to go back to school, but something tells me that won't happen. i would like to stay in austin, but then again, i don't even know if i have anything keeping me in this town anymore. it's wierd - i'm 24 years old, i've been in school for 19 years, and i still don't know what i want to do with my life. worse still, i can't believe that after 2.5 years in austin i find myself completely guideless. all the things that were good and sacred seem to have moved to fantasy city, the place where that job i'll get in the next 13 days lives.

while i was at home in chicago, i noticed that everyone in my family is completely insane. some of the insanity is cute and cuddly, but so much is ominous and ugly and it made me really pissed off because so much of that nutsoness is heredity. i don't know if i want to go home anymore. but i'll have to eventually, and i hope it's not because i got a call that my mom's getting remarried or my dad ran his car into a tree because he fell asleep behind the wheel.

so i guess i don't really know where i want to go or what i want to be. but i know that in the end it'll all work out - i'll find a job and i probably won't mind it, i'll find some friends and they'll like beer and movies. there will be moments. there will be someone to keep me warm while i sleep. it all works out - it always does. i'm just getting really tired of starting over all the time.

don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til it's gone?

great one from nico...

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.

I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
These days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing so long.
La la la la la, la la.

I've stopped my dreaming,
I won't do too much scheming
These days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them.

Posted by monica at 01:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 08:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

some new, some old, some rediscoveries from the past...

joe cocker - "have a little faith in me"
joni mitchel - the ORIGINAL "big yellow taxi" (fuck the counting crows)
new radicals - "someday we'll know" (don't laugh)
sheryl crowe - "strong enough"
talk talk - "it's my life" (the new no doubt version isn't bad, but it can't beat the original 80's version)
duncan sheik - "it's a lie"
the eels - the entire shootenanny album
c.c. catch - "soul survivor"
the white stripes - "seven nation army"
elton john - "levon"
bodeans - "good things"
r. kelly - "ignition remix"
danny hutton hitters - "wouldn't it be good"
living color - "glamour boy"
th' dudes - "be mine tonight"
kenny loggins & stevie nicks - "whenever i call you friend"
leonard cohen - "hallelujah"
hedwig and the angry inch - "origin of love"
vienna teng - "lullabye for a stormy night"
amy spanger - "come to your senses"
madonna - "substitute for love"
madonna - "true blue"
peter gabriel and the worldbeaters - "party man"
bran van 3000 - "drinking in la"
the postal service - "the distric sleeps alone tonight"

trivia question: for which of the above song's lyrics was Tori Amos a collaborator?

first person to answer correctly gets a prize!!

Posted by monica at 09:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

just yesterday i discovered the Soundrack to "The Royal Tenenbaums". it's fantastic, an eclectic blend featuring Nico, Bob Dylan, Elliott Smith, and others. what surprised me most were the instrumental pieces by Mark Mothersbaugh (of Devo fame) nestled between the rest of the tracks. his delightful orchestrations are very soothing and meld beautifully with the rest of the tracks; the album feels like an actual film score rather than a jumble of songs. here are the tracks...

1. 111 Arthur Avenue - Mark Mothersbaugh
2. These Days - Nico
3. String Quartet in F major (Second Movement) - Ysaye Quartet
4. Lindbergh Palace Suite - Mark Mothersbaugh
5. Wigwam - Bob Dylan
6. Look At That Old Grizzly Bear - Mark Mothersbaugh
7. Lullaby - Emitt Rhodes
8. Mothersbaugh's Canon - Mark Mothersbaugh
9. Police & Thieves - The Clash
10. Scrapping and Yelling - Mark Mothersbaugh
11. Judy Is A Punk - Ramones
12. Pagoda's Theme - Mark Mothersbaugh
13. Needle In The Hay - Elliott Smith
14. Fly - Nick Drake
15. I Always Wanted To Be A Tenenbaum - Mark Mothersbaugh
16. Christmas Time Is Here - Vince Guaraldi Trio
17. Stephanie Says - Velvet Underground
18. Rachel Evans Tenenbaum (1965-2000) - Mark Mothersbaugh
19. Sparkplug Minuet - Mark Mothersbaugh
20. The Fairest Of The Seasons - Nico

i was only a little sad that the following tunes were omitted from the album, but that's what the internet is for:

Mutato Muzika Orchestra - "Hey Jude"
John Lennon - "Look At Me"
Bob Dylan - "Main Title Theme (from 'Billy')"
Erik Satie - "Gymnopedia #1"
The Clash - "Rock the Casbah"
Paul Simon - "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard"
The Rolling Stones - "She Smiled Sweetly" and "Ruby Tuesday"
Antonio Vivaldi - "Music for Lute and Mandolin (allegro)"
Van Morrison - "Everyone"

now, back to trying to sleep. i've been doing this weird waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night thing. not on purpose. i suppose that will stop when things settle down around here. my sister goes back to chicago tomorrow.

Posted by monica at 03:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

did you know that austin has a zoo? it's in south austin off of 290. they have bears and tigers and panthers and monkeys and all sorts of stuff. my sis and i checked out the zoo the other day. it was nothing compared to Lincoln Park and Brookfield Zoo in Chicago, whose sizes are comparable to that of a small city. but it was still fun.

my sis only has a couple days left in austin, so i thought today i'd give her a tour of austin, monica-style. i think that means i'll drive by ut, point at rlm, then go to the crown and drink beers in the sunny afternoon. then maybe she'll understand how i've become the person i am today.

the portrait of a boosh as a young hair.

Posted by monica at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

long day today... my sister and i decided to spend the day in San Antonio. i'd never been there so it was an exciting adventure for both of us. i toured the Alamo, walked along the Riverwalk, ate the worst mexican food i've ever had, and took an elevator 700+ ft up the Tower of the Americas. to those of you who had never heard of this Tower and thought it was new, i recently learned that the tower was completed in 1968 and thus is anything but new. i'm not sure how you could miss it as it was the first thing i saw as i drove into San Antonio. i guess you were watching the road instead.

San Antonio seems like a pretty cute little city. it's touristy as hell, but i like places that allow for a fair amount of city walking. austin so disappointingly lacks in the city-stroll department. overall i had a really fun time, and being a tourist wasn't bad. but it would have been fun to stay for a few drinks and live fast for a little while like the twenty-something chicky i am. but i suppose i can do that in austin....

.. and that i did...

... at "Electric Bowling" at Highland Lanes!!! oh yeah, baby... it was a wild happenin' scene. people were insane, drunk, puking behind the snack bar, givin' hand jobs in the lanes. my high score: 85. absolutely amazing. brian made us our bitch though, breaking 100 every time. i had a ton of fun bending over and throwing balls around.

now it's late and i must sleep. san antonio pics here.

Posted by monica at 02:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 09:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

i took some rather unimpressive photos while i was home in chicago this christmas. sadly, they don't even come close to capturing the essence of my visit.

the first days before christmas seemed to drag on forever. too much family and shopping, not enough coffee and nicotene. it snowed on the first night i was there, but after that it was fairly warm. no white christmas, after all. instead, christmas in mokena, il. it was a pretty good christmas party. lots of wine and cheese. my dad and my aunt almost got in a fist fight when i said i wanted to drop out of school and get a job. sounds kind of weird, right? well, my aunt thinks i should absolutely positively get my PhD. she sums up her reasoning in a question: "what else are you going to do with your life?" so i was spared, as i have an infinite number of alternatives to graduate school and a career as an academic bullshitter. my dad, however, took the whole conversation as a bitter affront on his useless PhD. it was kind of uncomfortable and made me think of all the cool places i could spend christmas instead of at home if i had mucho dinero.

once christmas was over, time flew by pretty quickly. i spent my time catching up with friends for beers and good times. the highlight was seeing some friends from high school. there were some engagements, but thank god no kids.

lesson learned this trip: 9 days is way too long to spend in family-land, no matter how much money i saved in airfare. in the future, i'll spend the extra dough on an earlier flight back to sanity.

back in austin, i'm incredibly relieved. still a little woozy, but relieved. i took my sister and ginger out for punk rock pizza last night. i also saw Peter Pan which was a magical tittilation of the ol' heart strings. my sister didn't agree, but i for one had to choke back a couple tears. i do believe in fairies!!

Posted by monica at 09:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

happy new year, pussycat. it's 2004 and this year is going to be spectacular. well, it will be once i recover from 2003.

last night i celebrated new years eve with my sister at a party down the block. it was pretty fun -- jello shots!!! -- then countdown to 2004, new years kisses, and sparkling wine. after that i couldn't really handle it anymore so my sis and i headed back to my place to watch "Bridget Jones' Diary" (which starts on new years, appropriately enough). then i got the stomach flu. happy new year!!!

last night's walk from the party brought this year's first moment of clarity. the walk, albeit short, was the first real thing i'd felt all night. the weather was spectacular, people were outside, fireworks. my sis and i started talking about new years resolutions. she used the phrase "a clean slate" at one point. i don't really remember the whole conversation (bad memory and all), but i think this year is going to be all about making productive choices in my life. i'm going to SERIOUSLY look for a job. i'm not going to smoke no matter how stressed out or drunk or lonely i am. i'm not going to binge drink. i'm going to excercise and eat good food and master thin crust pizza. and i'm also going to continue to try not to talk shit about (or tease or belittle) other people.

in the spirit of the australians, i'm going to be me, and i'm going to love it.

and in the spirit of getting my ass kicked, i'm feeling a little bummed about my aching tummy. so, as i fast my woes away, my sis and i are off to the movies to see "Peter Pan"!!!

Posted by monica at 01:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)