spacekadet

trick or treat my little vampires!

last night i really felt like getting tossed on halloween. but i got tossed last night instead, and now i'm wondering if i'd rather stay in and give the kids candy.

sandly my apartment is in the back of a house so kids aren't going to show up. actually i'm probably pretty lucky in that respect.

so i might just have to break rank and celebrate with a few pints. maybe i'll even put on some pastel.

maybe not.

hefty halloween tip:
remember, if you're going as a boosh this halloween, try not to trip over any knots.

Posted by monica at 04:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

things have been a little crazy lately. i know i've been irresponsible... socially... academically... bloggily. it's not that i forgot about you all, it's just that, well, you know how i am when i'm stressed: it doesn't suit me well, like baseball caps or lipstick. usually i don't get rapt by anything except for a few people and my next meal, so anxiety cuts like a knife. i know many of you have forgotten about me and moved on with your little lives, but for those of you who remain interested in my little life, i'd like to relay to you some hefty tips for dealing with the fall blues.

the weather is great and the sun feels warm through your navy blue hoodie. but the leaves only change to brown in austin. and those evening walks that you thought would relax you only make you think too much about how clueless you are about where your life is going. but you don't turn around and go back home because your bed is empty and unmade and the internet is out and you left the milk out so no cereal with your cnn before bedtime.

times like these call for comfort food.

i'm not terribly creative in the kitchen, so i rely heavily on allrecipes.com. my current favorites are black bean soup and vegetarian split pea soup (sans orzo).

more noteably, however, i happened to make a really tasty hummus sandwich the other day. you should try it, and feel free to adapt it to your taste. the key is in the dill:

monica's hummus sandwhich (bad breath optional) recipe

ingredients:

- hummus of your choice (i made roasted red pepper hummus... use less garlic in the recipe if you don't want to smell like garlic all day... or do like i do and use extra garlic!)

- sprouts (i use sunflower sprouts because i prefer their flavor to alfalfa sprouts which are just a little too intensely "sprout" for my tastes ... you can buy both sprout varieties in bulk at Central Market! or don't use sprouts at all... see if i care.)

- greens - use whatever you like... i actually just pull a mixed collection of greens from whatever salad happens to be in my fridge (spinach, arugala, whatever!)

- shredded carrot - crunch!

- sliced cucumber - more crunch!

- cucumber dill sauce - you know, the stuff you put on falafel! i had made some for falafel and used it for the sandwich... but since there's already cucumber, i reckon you could just mix up some yogurt, dill, and garlic (or no garlic if you don't wanna stink) and that would be just as good. if you don't know what i'm talking about, then you're a fool, and you should check out sean's recipe for falafel and yogurt sauce.

- bread of your choice -- i really like the wheat bread at new world deli on guadalupe.

you should know how to make a sandwich so i won't bother with instructions for assembly. but it's really tasty ... i've had hummus sandwiches before, but usually they are lacking in the sauce department -- the yogurt/dill thing really makes for a taste explosion.

it's amazing what a little toast and veggies can do for the soul -- that, and the kind words of kindred spirits. many of you have provided a fuckton of support and advice for which i am truly greatful. we all get a little crazy once in a while. thank you for not forgetting about me while i pick up the pieces.

that said, i still have no clue as to what i'm doing with my life. but maybe it's just not the time or place to know the future. there's only this, right? so as i train for the apocolypse, i'm trying not to get bogged down by my long term goals. they're there, hovering in the mist like those gorillas.

"small steps, sparks, small steps."

i haven't had a drop of alcohol in almost 1 week -- if you know me, you know that this is big. my current plan is "no beer until i lose 5 lbs", but this is all very vague as i sense a jump in my weight as i start strength training again.

"and when i emerge, i will be a beautiful butterfly!"

tracey has a blog! her writing is absolutely lovely. she's going to make me moist, someday.

We stood all alone
Waiting for this day to come
And I held you close
But I couldn't feel your pain
I didn't know
This would be the last time
This would be the last kiss
This was our goodbye
If you were letting go
I should've been the one you told
I never heard you say goodbye
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
Because lately I've been giving up
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
And your last goodbye
Made me realize
I'll be alright
How could you laugh?
How could you lie to me?
You held me close
But I couldn't feel your pain
I should've known
This couldn't last forever
The last thing I remember
Was standing all alone
If you were letting go
I should've been the one you told
I never heard you say goodbye
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
Because lately I've been giving up
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
And your last goodbye
Made me realize I'll be alright
And so suddenly
I've stopped falling down
I believe in me one more time
And I'm sorry
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
Sorry
I'm sorry
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
I'm sorry isn't good enough
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Posted by monica at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

one of the things i miss most about harris park is my next door neighbor, tracey. she always has the best parties with the best food and the best music (if you leave one of tracey's parties before supertramp or the pixies come on, then you really haven't partied with tracey). last year was all about buffalo bill's pumpkin ale. this year i chowed on samosas and queso and guacamole and some lemon tart thing (all this despite stuffing my face at Milto's right before). i didn't bring a pumpkin to carve, but i did get to see what an amazing job the new owners did on my old place. they got rid of the blue wallpaper, repainted the whole house, refinished the floors, among a whole other list of things... i was moved. i loved that house and i'm really glad its new owners are treating it properly.

so i could write about my weekend but it's all pretty dull and i haven't been in the mood to communicate with strangers lately. i'm trying to find a new apartment and that shit just brings me down.

Posted by monica at 10:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

every semester since my senior year at uiuc i've considered looking for a job.

and come the end of every semester, i always find myself registered and willing to complete another 4-5 months of homework, exams, judgement, and humiliation.

the problem is as follows: school starts and i immediately think, "shit, i've just committed myself to another semester... i really need to start looking for jobs." but as soon as i start, registration for the next semester begins and i find myself on my computer frantically trying to get into another 3 courses.

then there's stuff like course advising -- today i met with the big kahuna boosh in cam, and he said i was a "pioneer" because i was the first in the department to pursue math-bio.

so it made me feel kind of good and important.

and there's no way i'm going to feel important at any job i get at this stage.

and then i think that most graduate students must feel this way but they just don't say anything because people don't sound smart when they're grappling with their future.

search for me on yahoo. the first hit is yours truly, the second hit is as follows:

2. 05/07/03: Honors Graduate Monica Shaw on Her Way to Counseling ...

fucking PURRRfect.

Posted by monica at 02:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Steven Paul (Elliott) Smith
August 6, 1969 – October 21, 2003

'm going out sleepwalking
Where mute memories start talking
The boss that couldn't help but hurt you
And the pretty thing he made desert you
I'm going out now like a baby
A naïve unsatisfiable baby
Grabbing onto whatever's around
For the soaring high or the crushing down
With hidden cracks that don't show
But that constantly just grow
I'm looking for the man that attacked me
While everybody was laughing at me
You beat it in me that part of you
But i'm gonna split us back in two
Tired of living in a cloud
If you're gonna say shit now you'll do it out loud
It's 2:45 in the morning
And i'm putting myself on warning
For waking up in an unknown place
With a recollection you've half erased
Looking for somebody's arms to
Wave away past harms
I'm walking out on center circle
The both of you can just fade to black
I'm walking out on center circle
Been pushed away and i'll never go back

Posted by monica at 11:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i was listening to the booshpod at the gym and heard this great song that really made me smile because it's all about you and me.

Hope you don't mind it if I'm - if I'm outta line
Cuz I've been drinkin' and I'm feeling fine - feeling fine
Twenty bucks to just say - say what's on my mind
I couldn't then, but who cares - now it's time - now
it's time

speaking of the gym, i had a brainstorm while i was sorting out my "tunez to sweat by" playlist -- a fitness blog called "training for the apocalypse".

with the recent cubs/red sox close call, i started thinking about how much i'm not ready for the apocalypse, so i think i need to design a workout/diet regime to prepare me for the great sprint. who knows, maybe i'll motivate a few other people... i mean, if you don't do it for the ladies, do it so you're not one of the fumbling fatsos trying to flee to the countryside as the aliens laugh at your expense before they vaporize you with their massive ray guns.

it's all a work in progress of course ...

and in a great effort in nonprogress, i just spent about an hour trying to sort out a flight to LUBBOCK, TX. that was humbling. i get to see the palo duro canyon, at least, which should be pretty if i'm not stuck in a sandstorm. what i'd really like to see is cadillac ranch, but that's not on the schedule.

... i can't wait for thursday's exam to be over with.

then i can stop procrastinating.

met the realtor today... he seems cool, lives across the street... i recognize him from the crown. he reminded me how wonderful my apartment is before trying and failing to give me some hope that i'd be able to stay once the house sells.

i'm a heartbreak beat.

I'm a heartbreak beat
Yeah, all night long
And nobody don't dance
On the edge of the dark
We've got the radio on
And it feels like love
But it don't mean a lot
And it feels like love
And it's all that we've got

There's a heartbreak beat
Playing all night long
Down on my street
And it feels like love
Got the radio on
And it's all that we need
There's a heartbreak beat
And it feels like love
There's a heartbreak beat
And it feels like love

And the beat don't stop
And we talk so tough
And there's a perfect kiss
Somewhere out in the dark
But a kiss ain't enough
And the world don't stop
Every time that you call
And the world don't stop
Every time that you call

I'm a heartbreak beat
Yeah, all night long
And nobody don't dance
On the edge of the dark
We've got the radio on
And it feels like love
But it don't mean a lot
And it feels like love
And it's all that we've got

There's a heartbreak beat
I'm a heartbreak beat

Posted by monica at 10:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i got the news today oh boy...

well, actually it was last weekend but still...

my landlord writes me with fantastic news: he has been given a job in France! back in austin, however, this is grave information. his relocation means the selling of 304 Moore Blvd, and quite possibility the termination of my lease. you see, there's a fairly good chance that the new owner will either want to a.) occupy the entire upstairs portion of the house or b.) raise my rent significantly.

so sue me i'm depressed.

but it answers the age old question that a friend of mine often poses: is it better to love someone even if your time with them would end in a known finite amount of time, or is it better to not have known that person at all?

my love is my apartment, and it has nurtured me tenderly this past year.

one might even say that my apartment lifted me up to where i belong.

and from that great height i shall never fall.

so fuckin'-a it's better to have loved and lost!

life goes on.

for me that meant going to the movies in search of a title to parallel my life. so i saw "intolerable cruelty", the latest from the never disappointing Coen Bros who managed to succeed in creating a cynical romantic comedy. the lovely catherine zeta-jones plays a gold-digger whose made a career for herself by marrying rich men and taking all their money. george clooney plays a divorce lawyer so you can see how they probably met. anyway, they have this love-hate relationship through the whole movie, and eventually both get their "asses nailed". if you liked "Hudsucker Proxy", you'll probably like this -- but don't expect the sophisticated humour of "The Big Lebowski". then again, maybe it's there and i just missed it. whatever. 3.5 stars.

i finally got around to doing some necessary maintainance on the vino -- changed the transmission oil... filled up the 2-stroke oil... filled the tires. i really really want to buy a motorcycle but i think i need to JAZZ up the vino first. to dos:

-get a manual
-bigger tires: Michilin S1s or Sava Whitewalls
-stage 1 performance upgrade
-a cool ass artsy fartsy paint/airbrush job -- a.) to cover up some scratches, and b.) cuz it'd be freakin' cool man!!

i get to see lubbock, tx in a couple weeks. ye-haw.

Posted by monica at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i should be studying for my stats exam next week, but it's saturday night and i'm easily distracted but the carnal joys of food, drink, music, and fashion.

fashion?

so let's talk about blue jeans and one-hit-wonders.

this afternoon, i spent an obscene amount of time in a very obscene place: diesel. ginger works there on commission, and tim needed a new pair of jeans -- sounds like a recipe for an afternoon shopping spree.

in the end, i think we were there for almost 3 hours, trying on what felt like hundreds of jeans in various sizes and washes. diesel is cool because even the women's sizes are measured in inches vs. the bullshit 1,2,3.. women's sizing system so bastardized by sweatshop institutions like gap and old navy (if you know me, you know i shop at old navy... give me a break, i'm still an american). regarding blue jeans, turns out i've been buying oversized denim... i went in thinking i wore a 33in waist, when in fact i should be buying a 30. that was kind of nice to know, but i was worried: ginger & co. said they fit great, but i could barely sit down in these jeans they were so tight. according to the staff, they stretch out. i ended up going with the "cherone" style: slim fit, boot cut. everyone at the store agreed that the cherone fit looked really good "from behind" (but really, when don't i look good from behind)? i was skepticle, but gave into their persuasion when the 50 year old tailor said, without prompting: "those fit great from behind". i mean, he seemed objective enough. so what, i bought a new pair of jeans.

that's right: i did say, "tailor". even with the discount (thanks ginger!), i've never spent this many benjamins on a pair of jeans, so i thought i'd better have em' fit right. i was a little concerned because they had a little too much room in the banch, but "gassan" assures me the rest of the jeans will stretch out. otherwise i'll have to stuff. still, i'm having them hemmed so they don't drag under my shoes.

hours this took!!

and yet, although i loathe shopping, i actually almost enjoyed the experience. i mean, their jeans are pretty dope. and the people who work there seem to know what's up. so, i wanna say it's all good... but i'll have to get back to you when i get my jeans back from gaston and let them stretch out a bit.

by the way: these jeans would look really great with a pair of chuck taylors. sadly, nike owns converse these days and i couldn't really sleep at night knowing i support both old navy AND nike. thank goodness for adbusters.

for $50 to $60 (USD?), i will buy my freedom from brand slavery.

and that's a special thing

back on the homestead, i was feeling pretty exhausted. on my journey through denim, i also acquired a charger for my cell phone, some 2-stroke engine oil, an mp3/cd player, and groceries. then i stir-fried. then i made some more of this amazing split pea soup. then i thought i'd study for my stats exam, when i happened upon a phenomenal one-hit-wonder off the pretty in pink soundtrack: "wouldn't it be good" by the danny hutton hitters. props to sidewalk annie, which is the only site i've found that has the lyrics to this song, nevermind lyrics to the entire pretty in pink soundtrack.

I got it bad
You don't know how bad I got it
You got it easy
You don't know when you got it good
It's getting harder
Just keeping life and soul together
I'm sick of fighting,
Even though I know I should
The cold is biting
To each and every nerve inside
My broken spirit is frozen to the core

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just a day
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?

You must be joking
You don't know a thing about it
You've got no problem
I'd stay right there if I were you
I've got it harder
You couldn't dream how hard I've got it
Stay out of my shoes
If you know what's good for you
The heat is stifling
Burning me up on the inside
The sweat is coming from each and every pore

Wouldn't it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
Wouldn't it be good if we could leave with out a care?

I got it bad
You don't know how bad I got it
You got it easy
You don't know when you got it good
It's getting harder
Just keeping life and soul together
I'm sick of fighting,
Even though I know I should
The cold is biting
To each and every nerve inside
My broken spirit is frozen to the core

Wouldn't it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
Wouldn't it be good if we could leave with out a care?

Posted by monica at 11:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i just discovered how ultra convenient it is to tape dvd's with my toshiba dvd-vcr combo player. i haven't been watching as many movies lately so i'm recording the ones i got from netflix so as to return them quickly and get my money's worth.

but it got me thinking... there's a surprisingly large number of movies out at the moment that look pretty good. i must write them down now before i forget...

kill bill
lost in translation
anything else
matchstick men
school of rock
the texas chainsaw massacre
sylvia
wonderland
mystic river (tim robbins!!!)
veronica guerin
intolerable cruelty

maybe i'll rent these when they come out...
runaway jury
the rundown
party monster (just to see Macaulay Culkin mod club kid)

Posted by monica at 01:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i'm kind of bummed that this isn't the apocalypse...

...'cause i'd really like to take you and the cat and run away down to a trailer by the sea like in that joshua kadison song about that jessie bitch.

what i'd really like to see is you and ivy frolick by the seashore.

we'd have to take my neighbors as well (who shall remain nameless because i forgot their names): not only do we share a mutual adoration for my precious pussycat, but we also share the same interpretation of ivy's human voice (think brad garrett saying "hi guys").

in keeping with this current season of change, yesterday i ordered the 1992 edition of Abs of Steel. Lotus Blossom Allison credits the workout for her fine abdominals, so i thought i'd give it a try. may Tamilee woo me into submission.... forever more.

From a phone booth in Vegas, Jessie calls at 5 a.m.
to tell me how she's tired of all of them.
She says, "Baby, I been thinking 'bout a trailer by the sea.
We could go to Mexico...you, the cat, and me.
We'll drink tequila and look for sea shells.
Now, doesn't that sound sweet?"
Oh, Jessie, you always do this every time I get back on my feet.
Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.
She asks me how the cat's been, I say, "Moses he's just fine
but he used to think about you all the time.
We finally took your pictures down off the wall.
Oh, Jessie, how do you always seem to know just when to call?"
She says, "Get your stuff together. Bring Mose and drive real fast."
And I listen to her promise, "I swear to God this time it's gonna last."
Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By
now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.
I'll love you in the sunshine, lay you down in the warm white sand.
And who know, maybe this time things'll turn out just the way you planned.
Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea
;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.

Posted by monica at 11:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

this afternoon i've been forcing myself with a small degree of success to finish some hw i have due at 5pm. it took a bowl of split pea soup (homemade by me with chipotle pepper), a cup of coffee (compliments of the math department, coffee and nondairy creamer, the powdery kind that leaves undissolved chunks floating at the top of the liquid caffiene), and a study group (impromptu) to carry me through.

during my sporadic breaks, i've been thinking about shattered dreams and seasons of change. "and all my dreams, torn asunder". i'm no closer to my phd or my six pack abs than i was last year, or the year before. nor am i closer to learning how to program mac os x, or drawing a comic.

so this afternoon i got registered on monster.com. it's time to do something about years of indecision and procrastination.

gonna make that... change.

I’m gonna make a change,
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good,
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right . . .

As i, turn up the collar on my
Favourite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street,
With not enough to eat
Who am i, to be blind?
Pretending not to see
Their needs
A summer’s disregard,
A broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other on
The wind ya’ know
’cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have
Been any clearer
If you wanna make the world
A better place
(if you wanna make the
World a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and
Then make a change
(take a look at yourself, and
Then make a change)
(na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

I’ve been a victim of a selfish
Kind of love
It’s time that I realize
That there are some with no
Home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be really me,
Pretending that they’re not alone?

A willow deeply scarred,
Somebody’s broken heart
And a washed-out dream
(washed-out dream)
They follow the pattern of
The wind, ya’ see
Cause they got no place to be
That’s why I’m starting with me
(starting with me!)

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
(ooh!)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(ooh!)
And no message could have
Been any clearer
If you wanna make the world
A better place
(if you wanna make the
World a better place)
Take a look at yourself and
Then make a change
(take a look at yourself and
Then make a change)

I’m starting with the man in
The mirror
(ooh!)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(change his ways-ooh!)
And no message could’ve
Been any clearer
If you wanna make the world
A better place
(if you wanna make the
World a better place)
Take a look at yourself and
Then make that . . .
(take a look at yourself and
Then make that . . .)
Change!

I’m starting with the man in the mirror,
(man in the mirror-oh yeah!)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(better change!)
No message could have
Been any clearer
(if you wanna make the
World a better place)
(take a look at yourself and
Then make the change)
(you gotta get it right, while
You got the time)
(’cause when you close your heart)
You can’t close your . . .your mind!
(then you close your . . . mind!)
That man, that man, that
Man, that man
With that man in the mirror
(man in the mirror, oh yeah!)
That man, that man, that man
I’m asking him to change his ways
(better change!)
You know . . .that man
No message could have
Been any clearer
If you wanna make the world
A better place
(if you wanna make the
World a better place)
Take a look at yourself and
Then make a change
(take a look at yourself and
Then make a change)
Hoo! hoo! hoo! hoo! hoo!
Na na na, na na na, na na,
Na nah
(oh yeah!)
Gonna feel real good now!
Yeah yeah! yeah yeah!
Yeah yeah!
Na na na, na na na, na na,
Na nah
(ooooh . . .)
Oh no, no no . . .
I’m gonna make a change
It’s gonna feel real good!
Come on!
(change . . .)
Just lift yourself
You know
You’ve got to stop it.
Yourself!
(yeah!-make that change!)
I’ve got to make that change,
Today!
Hoo!
(man in the mirror)
You got to
You got to not let yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(yeah!-make that change!)
You know-i’ve got to get
That man, that man . . .
(man in the mirror)
You’ve got to
You’ve got to move! come
On! come on!
You got to . . .
Stand up! stand up!
Stand up!
(yeah-make that change)
Stand up and lift
Yourself, now!
(man in the mirror)
Hoo! hoo! hoo!
Aaow!
(yeah-make that change)
Gonna make that change . . .
Come on!
(man in the mirror)
You know it!
You know it!
You know it!
You know . . .
(change . . .)
Make that change.

Posted by monica at 04:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it was a good thing i got drunk last night because the curse won over the cubs. it just doesn't feel right, and all i can think about are my peeps down in chi, and poor tony pierce -- the people who wanted it more than me. i can't help but wonder if things would have been different if i had a painted my face for the game and boosted the cosmic energy that would propel the cubs to a world series victory.

but i guess it's too late for that.

i didn't want to get out of bed this morning. my head was sore and my lungs were second-hand-smoked out. ivy was there, curled up between my legs as if he knew i needed a cuddle. my cure, my siren song: scrambled eggs on toast with vegetarian "bacon"... and tea for the walk to school. slowly, life moves on.

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

Posted by monica at 02:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 09:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

reluctantly, i have returned to austin from my short but wonderful trip to chicago. the meat of the trip can be found in my photos and tim's photos. here's a summary...

thursday: got into chi at around 3pm... props to my parents for picking us up at the airport and taking us into the city. my parents were pretty psyched to find parking; tim and i were pretty psyched to be in a real city again. stepping onto fullerton avenue, the air seemed to breath a little cleaner despite the smog. hundreds of people passed me as we made our way across the 6-lane intersection, and the feeling of life in motion was more refreshing than the the cafe mocha i would soon indulge in at the bourgeois pig, a coffee shop situated in a styley old brownstone near depaul university in lincoln park. after caffeine, my parents left tim and i at our hotel, the omni ambassador east, home of the famous "pump room" (an elite bar/restaurant were frank sinatra and friends -- among many other famous types -- apparently used to hang out, but tim and i were never spiffed up enough to get in). the omni is a national historic landmark and prides itself in blending the luxuries of yesterday with state-of-the-art technology of today (i.e. a webtv and a nintendo64). tim hooked us up with a real honest-to-goodness SUITE, with a couch and everything! it was pretty nice and we probably should have spent more time in there given how much is cost. but after a shower we headed out for food. tim wanted to go to the Chop House, but surprisingly enough, the only veggie food they had was a side salad and potato pancakes. so we settled for some delicious deep dish spinach pizza at pizzeria uno. we did a little bit of wandering and found some drinks at a cool little storefront bar called Mondelli Lounge. afterwards: exhaustion followed by sleep.

friday: our only full day in the city. we managed to get out of the hotel by 9am for breakfast where i spilled coffee all over myself. after we ate and i changed my t-shirt, we began exploring... among our wanderings: The Loop, Grant Park, Lake Michigan, The Magnificent Mile. i got to check my e-mail at the Apple Store, and see someone on a Segway, and use my camera a whole bunch.

after walking around all day, we direly needed a drink. so back to the Mondelli Lounge we went for a few vodka tonics before catching up with my sis and parents for dinner at Raj Darbar. the cooks over there dished out some phenomenal indian food which i couldn't help but gorge upon. afterwards, i was too full to movie so we went a couple doors down to Griffin's Public House for more drunkeness and the Cubs game -- it was insanely cool to be in a Chicago bar when the Cubbies won. "Aloooooooooou!"

after the game we headed out into the chaos of the north side post cubs victory. i got a call from one of my favorite people, cara, so tim and i got a cab and went even further north to meet up with her at a chill beer bar called "The Hopleaf". more drinks, chit chat, catching up... i miss that girl!

by the end of the night i was drunk and tired and extremely happy that the convenience of public transport was close at hand. we hopped on the red line back to our hotel.

saturday: john and colleen's wedding day. due to the chicago marathon, the omni was full for saturday night so we got gussied up and checked out. tim looked great in his suit. we were late for the wedding, which was boring anyway. it was a catholic ceremony which involved mass, a ritual i haven't attended in years. that was vaguely interesting. aftewards, we spent the remainder of the day wasting time downtown. some tasty food -- upsidedown pizza, salad, bread -- was had at the Chicago Pizza and Grinder Factory. then we travelled to navy pier for some bullshit tourism before the reception. i was wearing a pair of incredibly uncomfortable shoes the whole time (my feet are still recovering). it was also cold, and the only jacket i had was a hoodie, so i looked incredibly ghetto the whole time. but alas, i had a reception to go to, and it was surprisingly fun. tim got along really well with the family, thanks to the open bar. i had a chance to catch up with my extended family, something i don't do often enough.

we didn't dance, but we sure did party... until about 2am. i had a reservation at the Hilton in the burbs (the only place i could get a room for saturday), but i made the crucial mistake of not calling early to confirm my reservation. when we got there, they had given away our room so they put us in a conference room with a couple of rollaway beds -- ghetto! the good news is that they felt bad so we didn't have to pay for the room, and they gave us some pop and snacks for our troubles.

sunday: a day in the burbs. tim and i were pretty out of it... all we could manage was a lazy afternoon with my sis -- we took a walk by "hidden lake" and saw some pretty red leaves. then we stalked my mom at the sports athority (damn we're cool). finally, we played mini golf ... i came in last.... something like a 59 on a par 45. before the flight back, tim and i got our garlic on at a tasty italian restaurant for the benefit of our fellow air travellers.

so that's it. i enjoyed the city so much that i'm almost considering moving back there when the time comes. but first i need to catch up with life here in tejas. i'm behind in everything from homework to laundry to exercise. but the weekend refreshed me, and i'm confident i'll be caught up by the end of the week. and i should have no distractions as i left my phone charger in the room at the omni. and since i don't have a phone, i can't exactly call to see if they found it. one of these days i'll get around to buying a new one.

back to life, but i'd rather be in the city.

Posted by monica at 02:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i am writing you from the apple store on the glorious magnificent mile in downtown chicago!

so maybe i am a dork, but i'm having a kick ass time. :-)

Posted by monica at 03:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

after unsuccessfully busting my ass this week in the study department, i am flying to chicago tomorrow for a long weekend of pizza, beer, autumn walks, and wedding vows (not mine). hopefully i'll be having too much fun to search for wireless internet connections. i'll be back sunday, full of cheese and stories.

Posted by monica at 01:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

oh, it was me!
(that's for you far flung fogt, wherever the hell you are.)

well, it was bound to happen at some stage.

i was running late this morning so i took my scoot to school. after class i thought i'd go home and attempt food (a topic of some frustration these past couple of days -- i think my liquid diet has taken its toll on my bagel). anyway, back at the cycle park, my former student had just arrived in full motorcycle get-up with the same bmw that took me through the hill country and past the Mansfield Dam. it made me a little sad, 'cause i thought we could have been friends. i must have been a complete jerk at some point because i never saw him when i came back from georgia. the sucky thing about being me: i can't even remember what the hell i said or did to get das boot.

being a complete pussy (as well as a tool), i drove on and didn't bother waving.

maybe i just feel a little sad today. i've been spending most of my nights in lately. blame it on the teeth, blame it on the rain, or blame it on me. i think i worry about being affected on an emotional level. or maybe i worry about affecting other people on an emotional level. both, probably. everything's fucked up lately and it's all my fault and i don't deserve a spoon.

trivia: monica is not a robot.

we're still not yet sure about james, who says "beep" when he falls asleep.

when i was at MASS, i used to get quiet and forlorn for days at a time. one rainy day, charles told me that i needed a social cleansing, meaning i missed my friends and i'd be far better off with them around. that weekend i drove us westward to indiana/michigan, where i caught up with munner and they caught up with their reu buds. it did wonders for my morale.

so this thursday, i am going home and i'm taking my "lady's hoilday" with me (if we're lucky, this explains today's post).

Trivia: who has the most grand slams in Cubs history?

First person who responds correctly in the comments gets a copy of monica's music for 10.07.2003 with original artwork and lyrics!

Posted by monica at 01:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

now i'm more pumped than ever about going home to chi-town.

further reason for pumpage was found at the Texas Rollergirls Championship last night at Playland Skate Center. i've never been to a rollerderby match, but the crew over at playland spared no expense at this rock-n-roller derby. the costumes ruled, the skating was extreme, and the chicks were hot. they even had and you will know us by the trail of the dead rock out during the half-time show (sadly i couldn't hear a thing due to the poor acoustics common in a rollerskating arena). so, i think i'd make a kick-ass rollergirl and i fully intend to try-out when the time comes.

for fans of hot girls and rollerskating, i highly reccomend you check out the hip chick band Call and Response whose song, "Rollerskate", is as sweet as they are delicious.

Hear the vibration
Underneath your feet
An on-ground flight
Begins to light

Before you learn how to walk
Before you learn how to rock
You learn to rollerskate

Posted by monica at 03:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

last night i dreampt about smoking.... i kept finding myself in various situations with an unlit cigarette in my mouth, wondering how the hell it got there and what the fuck i was doing. i'll take the dream as a good sign that i'm creeping towards recovery.

and then: programming this morning -- took a break to order a dplan t-shirt. also checked out what was happening with my bloody valentines, a punky poppy synthy band from champaign who i used to watch jam at the union and various house parties. now they have their music playing on MTV's "Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica". if that's not success, i don't know what is.

Posted by monica at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

after so much bitching about how time flies when you're not having orgasms, i think i just had the longest orgasm, i mean day, in some time.

nothing unusual persay -- dentist at 8:20, my sockets are in tip top shape! breakfast...dishes... seminar, which was vaguely interesting. we talked about distributions a bit. even though i hated them in my applied course, i found myself vaguely excited that i knew what we were talking about when we got into the Euler-Lagrange equations. but only vaguely. we spent about 30 minutes talking about the dual space.

spare me.

right, so up until 5pm i was making a mad dash to finish my sadistics homework, due at 5. class was dull. coffee would have helped. i found someone else who is as fascinated by the freakshow characters in that class as i am.

gossip.

so i guess the daylight portion of october 2, 2003 wasn't worth writing about at all. but i can't be bothered to delete.

a fucking fantastic evening though... i did a socket-friendly stir-fry. soft foods -- tofu, mushrooms, chinese eggplant -- in a hunan sauce with a touch of honey: delicious. then after 30 minutes at the stove, i had a rendezvous with some blueberry filled crepes who took me to the couch and made love to me right then and there (ivy watched). afterwards, we watched an absolutely amazing movie: Equilibrium. sadly, i can't be bothered with summaries...

Enter the world of Equilibrium where there is no war, emotions are suppressed, and artistic expression forbidden. The guardians of order are an elite fighting force of Grammaton Clerics who specialize in the martial arts system and code of the Gun Kata. There is nothing they cannot do to enforce the ideals of their society but what would happen if a first class cleric suddenly began to feel?

the feeling cleric is played by Christian Bale who is looking better all the time. the special effects are pretty good, but i'm getting bored with this whole slicing-half-of-someone's-head-off-with-a-sword trend. (if you don't know what i mean, then you haven't seen this film, or underworld, or resident evil. if this is the case, then you have your weekend made: these are all fucking outstanding films. which reminds me, resident evil: apocolypse is coming out in spring 2004 and is going to rock your body right.) there's a lot of post-Matrix fever in this movie, with it's Brave New World-esque theme and the martial arts. but the storie is clever and the people are real and it doesn't star Keanu Reeves.

high five!

right, so i'm totally pumped because this movie was so surprisingly good. it also reminded me that Christian Bale has an impeccable physique!

special notice
some of you may be concerned that i'm writing more about movies these days than my usual lush and lavish lifestyle. after all, i'm on a budget, i'm eating crepes, i'm taking yoga, and today i recieved a package of soup bowls that i won on ebay to match my plates. fear not: it's the sockets talking. they have a boosh of their own, you know. this weekend promises many tales of hard drugs and soft women. and rollerskates. moving forward -- i am going to chicago this thursday: the windy city in autumn. i can't think of a better place to be this time of year. i hope i see some yellows and reds in the leaves, rather than the brown that austin's leaves turn before they fall off and clog the drains.

Posted by monica at 12:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Happy Cabride With A One Night Stand Day!

the other day someone reminded me of how days seemed to last forever when i was a wee lass. . . like those mornings when you were 5 years old and you woke up long before your parents and you wondered what to do with yourself for the lifetime (or 2 hours) before your parents awoke. i've been thinking about that a lot lately, because lately i feel like my weeks go by alarmingly fast. then i go to class, during the latter half of which i'm completely zoned out, and it's so obvious to me why time passes so quickly. i hate pipe dreamers, but i've remained in this academic wasteland way past my prime. and then i freak out because i'm worried that i'm wasting my prime away in indecision. then i started thinking about the question: "what did you do today?" i guess i'm lucky because i usually have an answer. but as my days are feeling shorter and shorter, i'm pressed to pick out the interesting bits.

moving forward.
standing still.

then i started to think about tony pierce's advice on college which makes me think i've had it wrong all this time.

the point is this:
i am now on a $100/week budget. this will allow me to save $200/mo. until Summer 2004, at which point i am going to fuck my studies and do something different... hopefully somewhere off the mainland. let's face it: my booshetta is so ready to can this school shit and get a job. so i better get to having some fun while i still can.

so who wants a margarita?

so i was listening to some music, and this mood (urgency? regret? moist? ) reawakened my taste for the Gufs, an early 90s alternamellow band. i went on amazon.com to search for some CDs and almost bought the 3 they released UNTIL i remembered my budget. so i put them on my wish list, which is almost just as satisfying. i guess that's what gnutella is for. i meant nutella. yum.

I was waiting for a cross-town in the
london underground when it struck me
that i've been waiting since birth to find a
love that would look and sound like a movie
so i changed my plans i rented a camera and
a van and then i called you
"i need you to pretend that we are in love
again." and you agreed to

i want so badly to believe that "there is truth,
that love is real"
and i want life in every word to the extent
that it's absurd
i know you're wise beyond your years, but
do you ever get the fear
that your perfect verse is just a lie you tell
yourself to help you get by?

Posted by monica at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Leaks of classified information are bad things."

ain't it a bitch when your government secrets get in the boosh of malevolent forces? i think we all need to have a good think about this: what classified information of yours would be detrimental in the hands of the wrong party? if this thought is too daunting to even consider, daydream about being a government spy instead. that would be dope.

i just had the worst morning ever. my wednesday, normally class-free, was tarnished by an emergency 9am meeting of my bioinformatics class. so i woke up at 8am -- this in itself sucks all kinds of tootsie roll pops (even the one your mom licked while you weren't looking). naturally i wake up too late to have a real breakfast -- instead i downed a glass of water and 4 ibuprofen. i _did_ have time to get coffee -- savior. "class" (where i write you from) has turned into 2 hours of reviewing solutions to a previous homework assignment. pardon me while i toot my own boosh (i think there's a word for that), but i rocked the last assignment. so i'm bored. and hunger creeps on my empty stomach like the dull ache in my empty sockets. thank al for the internet.

Posted by monica at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)