spacekadet

four teeth less and nothing to show for it, i return to you.

last friday was probably the most disgusting day i've ever had. that morning i had all of my wisdom teeth pulled. i knew that the surgery would be a little complicated due to my two impacted wisdom teeth, but all this really meant to me was that it would take me longer to recover. i had an IV drip sedation, so i don't remember most of it. but when i returned home and looked in the mirror, i looked like somebody out of a horror movie. it was a bloody awful mess. so i slept through most of it, thanks to a vicaprofen prescription. major props go to tim who took good care of me while i recovered: he rented some movies and hooked me up with mashed potatoes and rice pudding. the company made the recovery infinitely more tolerable.

anyway, it's been a few days, i'm still sore, and my cheeks are still puffy (though not at chipmunk capacity). i am paranoid about my sockets. i long for solid food.

but i'm lucid again. or at least, as lucid as someone like me can get.

as i mentioned, i watched a bunch of movies this weekend. tim did an amazing job at picking out good films. send me to the video store by myself and i come back with "Leap of Faith". send tim and he comes out a champ. i guess that's because boys are smarter than girls. so here's the run down, with my rating (out of 4 *'s).

**** six feet under: season 1, disk 4 (the last 3 episodes of the season -- amazing)
*** lethal weapon (can't believe i never saw this movie)
*** confidence (saw it before but didn't remember most of it
**** brotherhood of the wolf (fucking outstanding)
*** auto focus
twin peaks, season 1, disk 4 (currently unrated... i passed out while i was watching it)

at some point i went and saw the movie Underworld, which easily gets 4 stars. chicks who do the goth thing right are hot as hell (you ladies in the audience who rely on black jeans and black band t-shirts and bad hair dye to sell your goth persona need to take some serious fashion lessons from this movie). aside from that, the plot was pretty damn good. the dumbed down romantic element and lack of high-profile movie stars was also greatly appreciated. the film is primed for a sequel -- i can't wait.

Posted by monica at 02:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it's wednesday, my day off from hell. i didn't get much sleep last night, so here's what's on today's menu:

- pajamas and cooshy socks

- music music music - random playlist geared towards peter gabriel, thin lizzy, the clash, iginition (remix), eels, showtunes

- ass meets office chair: perl programming all day -- i'm making bioinformatics my bitch

- stress -- why? i'm trying to finish this relatively long programming assignment before friday since it's due on monday but i'm going to be drugged up and puffed to the max all weekend. so why the anxiety? i can't explain it. maybe i'm just a little scared -- i have no idea where life is taking me at the moment. i'm scared that i'm going nowhere.

- cleaning my mess (hot and fresh from the kitchen)

6 words i enjoy pronouncing incorrectly:

1. chipotle (CHI-POT-EL)
2. assume (AS-OO-MAY ... like "resume", the thing you put your job history on)
3. epitome (EP-I-TOME)
4. jalapeno (JA-LOP-UH-NO)
5. guacamole (GUACK-UH-MOLE)
6. penis (PEN-ISS)

but really people: what the fuck happened to Dr. Drew? what's with the fake tan and trendy hair cut? i'd rather get advice from a soft, fatherly figure than some botox freakshow. and speaking of botox -- what are people thinking with that shit? have you noticed that charlie sheen can't even smile anymore? personally, i'd rather have wrinkles than not be able to move my face. but that's just me. anyway, who cares. i love the eels...

Woke up with a bang
And a bug on your face
It crawled in your mouth
And gave you a taste of
The good life you left behind
But I think you're gonna be fine

Somebody loves you
And you're gonna make it through

Posted by monica at 04:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 02:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

did you know that suicide is the second leading cause of death among college-aged students? so why exactly do we go a flying fuck about the emmy's?

while reading through wired, i found a few interesting articles on suicide. most noteable, however, was this collection of posts from alt.suicide.holiday, a newsgroup which seems to be intended for those in search of support and advice as they consider the option of suicide. i had a look at the group's website:

The original charter of the group was to discuss suicide methods and reasons; as it was believed that there were more than enough good reasons connected with holiday times to kill oneself, the name alt.suicide.holiday was chosen. It was assumed that traffic on the newsgroup would only occur around American holiday periods.

The newsgroup has evolved into a partial sanctuary where people can discuss suicide openly in an atmosphere which is not condemnatory of suicide, as much of "Western" culture is. It is only a "partial" sanctuary as, being unmoderated, the group has no mechanism to bar posts which seek to introduce condemnatory viewpoints to the newsgroup.

what a fascinating use of the internet. more on that later.

fossilized spider penis found in the highlands of scotland.

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of Galileo
King of night vision
King of insight

Posted by monica at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by monica at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

this is my 100th blog entry... and i wonder where all the time goes.

saturday night's alright for fighting, though i personally prefer a quiet night indoors. friday night debauchery is becoming a bad habit. if it weren't for my friend's birthday bash (happy bday booshface), i probably would never have found myself downtown at the i'm-so-not-getting-Lucky-Lounge. but there i was, vowing to avoid drunkeness and failing to get a word-in edgewise. it's funny that i can be irritatingly boistrous after a few drinks, but sans alcohol, i might as well be a mouse.

avoiding drunkeness: good. not getting a word-in edgewise: mostly disappointing -- but from what i can tell, bday boosh et al. had a bitchin' time. at least that's what your mom said. and that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. i did manage to get elbowed in the face by a waitress, which would turn out to be one of my more initimate moments that evening.

when s & j (thatnks for hauling my sorry black ass around, btw), were ready to depart, i climbed on board and caught up with tizzle and some lesbian people at Nasty's who were all vastly more attractive than me. i had a few drinks but nothing excessive. friday night sobriety had the kind of impact that those introspective youth camping retreats can only dream of providing. i bitch and i moan about jealous people, and i pride myself on my unfailing independence. but really, i'm just as insecure and jealous-prone as everyone else. i can be scared, and nervous, and let my pride make me stupidly insensitive. i shy away in the presence of pretty people because i stupidly think that's what other people want. i don't mind not being conventially attractive, generally i like it, but some nights it gets to me... mostly when i let it get between me and a good time. i guess that's my own fault.

so fanfuckingtastic -- i learned a little bit last night. now if only i could have done that without acting like an asshole. (i can't decide if that's better or worse than getting my teeth pulled.... which reminds me, i better fucking enjoy this weekend, and this week, because after this friday, i'm going to be chipmunk cheeks for a few days, eating my meals through a fucking straw.)

that night, i stayed up really late in a fit of heavy breathing. saturday: spent the better part of the morning curled up in bed watching six feet under and eating popcorn: i am a winner. actually it felt great. and might i add: my bedroom is quickly becoming the most comfortable place you'll find on this side of the mason-dixon line. i've constructed a headboard for my homemade bedframe. and i have a tv/vcr/dvd setup. i also have a very warm body presence. warmth. spooning. the glowing box. quality programming. snacks. joy.

flashback to last friday: my bioinformatics prof recommended a book, Beginning Perl for Bioinformatics without saying that it was actually required. then all of the sudden, he started assigning us homework from the book. so i'm like: "shiiiit". anyway, i was going to go through all of this canoodling and copying bullshit. but instead, i thought i'd take my chances on Half Price Books: not only did they have a used copy of my book for half the price of the original, but they were also having a 20% off of everything sale. score.

so this afternoon i went through a chapter of the book. i'm enjoying learning perl and i hope i get really good at it.

beyond that, zero studying was accomplished. however, a fantastic movie was viewed: "25th Hour". great fucking film about the final hours before drug pusher, Monty (Edward Norton), goes to prison.

after that i had a very quick couple of pints at the crown. but i ended it with that at the risk of finding myself hungover and useless tomorrow. instead of imbibing, i learned how to get around my airport base station so that i can use the built-in apache webserver on my laptop. now my webcam might actually work. saturday night man! fucking outstanding!!!

Posted by monica at 11:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

this morning i am up way past my bedtime. you know how that goes: one of those nights where you feel like everyone is getting laid except you. not that this has anything to do with sex, as you probably know. sometimes i just feel like everyone's found their place in the world except me. and for the rest that have as little clue as i, well, their also on their own in the same way that i am. i guess that's why they call it: catch 22. the weather this morning is the best i've seen in months -- the kind of weather that makes me wish i had a porch swing and someone's arm around me. the kind of weather that makes me feel old. tonight, as some people enter a new decade, others have age written all over their face: i don't even like going downtown anymore. or maybe age is just a sign of honesty.. cuz now i see so clearly that... i can't dance.

happy autumnal equinox everybody!

Posted by monica at 03:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i've been spending most of the day cleaning up my apartment. mundane boosh-berries: changing lightbulbs, dusting, things i've been needing to do for a while. while cleaning, my random iTunes playlist happened upon a Vienna Teng song, something i had had acquired via michael piatek but hadn't got around to listening to. i'm pissed that it took me so long to discover here: she's fantastic. download the song that caught my ear, "lullaby for a stormy night": you'll be moved. Vienna's got the mp3 on her site.

well now I am grown
and these years have shown
that rain's a part of how life goes
but it's dark and it's late
so I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close

and I hope that you'll know...

everything's fine in the morning

Posted by monica at 03:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

yesterday i saw a guy wearing a cure t-shirt, circa 1989. this brought me back to tape decks and black eye makeup... and this photo of me in 7th grade. my gorgeous friend, gretchen, took me to a party where there was beer, cigarettes, and a cheese plate... and this girl with a really bad perm. i was too young to care about smoking or getting drunk, but i do remember being disgusted that people were smoking around the cheese plate. anyway, gretchen is the one who got me into the cure. this is back in the day when the cure might have been considered "punk" or "goth". as i felt a tinge of sorrow that one of my favorite bands of all time are now riding the pop wave, i had a look at the cure website and immediately felt better: poor design, bad organization, even an image map. the best is robert smith's bio page, a collection of lists of his favorite books, tv shows, bands, etc. the best is his final line: "and that's my stop gap page... for now... i will keep adding... and maybe think of something more exciting to put here soon! after the rain..."

i guess it just cracks me up when famous people have cutesy, novice-esque websites.

but then again, i'm a dork.

yesterday was a fairly long day for me. i got up at 7am and didn't stop until 6:30pm. there was some stress involved: i presented some details from my master's report at my bio seminar. it went well and i managed to talk for over an hour. and because i had slacked all weekend, i had some serious studying to catch up for in stats at 5pm. so, boosh. throughout it all i was craving a ciggy, but in the end all i really wanted was a few beers. luckily for me, a good friend was celebrating a birthday, and this was ample excuse to head to the crown for a few rounds. i had a really good time and i enjoyed getting out of my usual "scene" for a few hours. i even managed to get home at a reasonable hour. joy.

however, having left the bar early, i was sober enough to entertain some fairly rational thinking when i returned home. lying in bed, i considered that i probably had about 4 beers, each beer having approximately 150 calories. that's 600 calories (at least) for the whole night. this made me sad because i had worked out earlier in the day and suddenly my efforts seemed all for naught. furthermore, i feel a little sluggish this morning. so now what: i've given up smoking, and cheese, and i may even go to a yoga class tonight. apparently i'm on some sort of self-betterment bullshit binge and the one thing that's stopping me from feeling healthy is the daily booze. like so many vices, it's so good at the time, but it usually makes me feel really gosh darn awful later. so i'm considering restricting my drinking to one night a week on the weekends. after all, halloween is coming up and i'd really like to go as a catholic school girl (since i am one) and not an oompa loompa. actually, i'd be pretty damn psyched if i did anything this halloween. i dig on all saints day, and the last time i celebrated was at stew's bash in 2001.

what can i say? i really like playing dress-up.

i really don't know what i'm doing here
i really think i should've gone to bed tonight but...
just one drink
and there're some people to meet you
i think that you'll like them
i have to say we do
and i promise in less than an hour we will honestly go
now why don't i just get you another
while you just say hello...
yeah just say hello...

so i'm clutching it tight
another glass in my hand
and my mouth and the smiles
moving up as i stand up
too close and too wide
and the smiles are too bright
and i breathe in too deep
and my head's getting light
but the air is getting heavier and it's closer
and i'm starting to sway
and the hands on all my shoulders don't have names
and they won't go away
so here i go
here i go again...

falling into strangers
and it's only just eleven
and i'm staring like a child
until someone slips me heaven
and i take it on my knees
just like a thousand times before
and i get transfixed
that fixed
and i'm just looking at the floor
just looking at the floor
yeah i look at the floor

and i'm starting to laugh
like an animal in pain
and i've got blood on my hands
and i've got hands in my brain
and the first short retch
leaves me gasping for more
and i stagger over screaming
on my way to the floor
and i'm back on my back
with the lights and the lies in my eyes
and the colour and the music's too loud
and my head's all the wrong size
so here i go
here i go again...

yeah i laugh and i jump
and i sing and i laugh
and i dance and i laugh
and i laugh and i laugh
and i can't seem to think
where this is
who i am
why i'm keeping this going
keep pouring it out
keep pouring it down
and the way the rain comes down hard
that's the way i feel inside...

i can't take it anymore
this it i've become
this is it like i get
when my life's going numb
i just keep moving my mouth
i just keep moving my feet
i say i'm loving you to death
like i'm losing my breath
and all the smiles that i wear
and all the games that i play
and all the drinks that i mix
and i drink until i'm sick
and all the faces that i make
and all the shapes that i throw
and all the people i meet
and all the words that i know
makes me sick to the heart
oh i feel so tired...

and the way the rain comes down hard
that's how i feel inside...

Posted by monica at 12:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

last sunday i had a whole bunch of goodies to write about, but they have all been banished to the void of my forgetfulness.

it probably wasn't worth the effort, anyway. i do remember, however, breaking rank and busting out the cheese: enchiladas, pizza, the works. i also remember feeling like complete shit afterwards. so it seems that eating cheese is a lot like smoking cigarettes: they both feel really good while your indulging, but after the demon candy, you feel like removing your organs and cleaning them out with a brillo pad.

anyway, i may have also felt like crap because i got absolutely jizz faced last friday night (in case you don't know, getting "jizz faced" is a lot like getting "shit faced" but worse). joel now officially holds "the only person who's ever done a tequila shot with monica' distinction. congratulations.

tim sent me an frightful blurb from this article in popular science: The Worst Jobs in Science. "Postdoc" was #10: this really makes me think reconsidering my future:

10. Postdoc

Sure, some Ph.D.s do enriching work in their postdoc "year" (this limbo between earning the doctorate and getting a real job has in fact grown to a more typical two, three or four years)-but in an obscene number of cases, it's just drudgery leading to dashed dreams, for the simple reason that we produce many more science and engineering Ph.D.s in this country than we have professorships to fill. The academy line is that, overall, the postdoc is a beneficial "winnowing-out time": The fittest scientists are selected, while the rest flee to lesser callings (like ... picking randomly here ... science journalism). But, to extend the Darwinian metaphor, overwhelming anecdotal evidence suggests that the postdoc limbo selects not for intellectual fitness to be a scientist but for sheer endurance to put up with 80-hour weeks of, say, sticking electrodes in rat brains and getting bitten. People with interests in family, art or recreation are the most likely to bail. As well-rounded minds, they're also potentially the best scientists.

but i guess that's better than being a "barnyard masturbator".

It coulda been good
it coulda been something special
it may have had real potential
it never could show
It coulda been great
it could been something alright
but we never did keep it that tight
so whaddya know?
I get up at 5am I so don't need those dreams that I used to have

It coulda been swell
it coulda been off the hook now
if we ever had what it took now
I haven't a clue
I think it's as well
we may have been on the right track
finding all the pieces we lack
but what can you do?
Now I see that these are cards we drew some time ago, so if you don't know:

I can do it anywhere with anyone at anytime don't you forget
this is my life and it's going to be good, don't you know
not a promise or a threat or an ultimatum, though I can do that too
I'm just telling you, I've got this life I've got to live
I'm just following through

I dishonor the past
being so loose with my time
I could stand accused of high crimes
in the court of the dead
and I could be next
on a page about to turn soon
so I'm movin' my ass at high noon
you heard what I said
I could say I hope I'm not misread, but that's all right
I'm quite OK with losing that fight

Posted by monica at 02:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it's a sad day.

the clouds.

the grey.

the raw meat.

the dismemberment plan has split, leaving me in a bath of foggy memories and a love i can't leave behind. dan fogt first introduced me to dplan... i wonder how he's feeling these days. i'm going to miss the plan and their poppy-punk cynicism that was strangely uplifting. i'm going to miss their concerts and travis morrison's undeniably sexy stage presence. by the way, the
photo of their last show: phenomenal.

according to morrison's website, he is "well and truly musically single and it's time to start sleeping around." i hope he's right, and i'm anxious to hear the results.

Pop open a bottle of bubbly…yeah.
Here’s to another goddamn new year.
And outside, 2 million drunk Bostonians
Are getting ready to sing “Auld Lang Sine”…out of tune.
I sit there in my easy chair, looking at the clouds, orange with celebration
And I wonder if you’re out there.
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time
Pop open a third bottle of bubbly
Yeah, and I take that bottle of champagne
Go into the kitchen, stand in front of the kitchen window
And I take all my clothes off, take that bottle of champagne
And I pour it on my head, feel it cascade through my hair
And across my chest, and the phone rings.
And it’s my mother.
And she says “HI HONEY HOW’S BOSTON?”
And I stand there, all alone on New Year’s Eve
Buck naked, drenched in champagne, looking at a bunch of strangers
Uh, looking at them, looking at me, looking at them, and I say:
“Oh, I’m fine Mom—how’s Washington?”
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time, time, time, time, yeah…
So I guess the party line is I followed you up here.
Well, I don’t know about that.
Mainly because knowing about that would involve knowing some pathetic, ridiculous, and absolutely true things about myself that I’d rather not admit to right now.
Woke up at 3 A.M. with the radio on, that Gladys Knight and the Pips song on
About how she’d rather live in his world with him
Than live in her own world alone
And I lay there, head spinning, trying to fall asleep
And I thought to myself: “Oh, Gladys, girl, I love you but, oh—get a life!”
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time

Posted by monica at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Posted by monica at 01:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it's funny how well i can solve other people's problems, and yet i have no grasp on how to deal with my own life.

is that irony?

i'm not sure if that's irony, but that was definitely wednesday night. or at least, the latter part of the evening, after the Hole in the Wall, and the vietnam guy, and the 5 makers shots in sheri (not to be confused with the 5 cumshots in sheri, which we hope she recieved later). after correctly
identifying the rules for proper relationship etiquette (really, i could write a book), i realized that i
have consistently violated all of those rules. (another newcastle, please.) it's not so much that i mind failure, but it's the consistent failure that really bugs me the most. then i think that i'm taking everything entirely too seriously -- isn't that always the case. if so, maybe i'm just done with this place. austin has had its run. i could move back to chi-town, or reunite with some friends in boston, or do the west coast thing. or maybe moving is my way of ignoring a problem until it goes away.

god i'm such a girl. or an emo brat.

new rule for all you happy go lucky supercouples out there: if you invite a friend out for an evening on the town, you should also bring another person along for said friend. otherwise, who am i going to make sarcastic comments to?

my friend ginger's friend amanda: "the thing about chopping up and eating an emo kid is...they taste like crying."

oh yeah, welcome to my new "home"... question: when you think of a "space cadet", what kind of person do you think of? there has been some confusion on this matter that i'd like to clear up. sadly, this question will only make me realize how little traffic i get when no one comments.

Posted by monica at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

as i've already mentioned, i really like punk covers. in fact, covers in general are often a fun way to mix up a house party (see Austin's own The Gourds cover Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice"). however, i do believe it takes a certain amount of talent to cover classic tunes. Me First and The Gimmie Gimmies are the punk cover masters. but now it seems like everyone is trying to do it with varying degrees of success. The Ataris' "Boys of Summer" is tolerable. Alien Ant Farm should be subjected to paper cuts for their attempt at "Smooth Criminal". and then, this morning at the gym (which is quickly becoming my only venue for popular music), i heard a miserable rendition of what i've often considered my favorite cheesy 80's tune, "If You Leave" by Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark. a quick check indicated that the band slaughtering my music was Good Charlotte of all people (a band who Chris Rock called "a mediocre Green Day" at the VMA -- the saving grace of the show, next to the Madonna-Britney-Christina kiss).

fortunately i hadn't eaten breakfast yet.

still, i almost fell off the treadmill when i saw this really weird justin timberlake performance with ellen degeneres singing backup**. i know a lot of people who really like this timberlake character, but i personally think he's ugly and i can get better disco on FM105.9 (which isn't saying much). still, this was just too weird for 9:45am. so i turn my head to CNN where i learned that Simon and Garfunkle are reuniting for a tour pending any bickering. this is good news because Simon and Garfunkle are gods among men. the only bad news is that they look really old in CNN's photo.

in other news, i got my m.s. diploma thing in the mail, so i guess it's offical. do i use this as another excuse to celebrate? where's my pride? where's my self esteem? does it show in the drinks i've bought? i don't hide everytime i'm seen, but i try not to get caught. make excuses for behaviour, can my illness be my saviour? hid my heart while your still gave yours... what a great cd.

this semester is great. i had an assignment due last monday that i had already done (write my c.v. in html). my next stats assignment is due a week from thursday, and i've managed to get a fair bit of it done in class. so now i get to while away the hours playing on my computer and learning how to draw superheros***. i dream of a comic for this sight, but i'm bad with stories. maybe i'll just draw pictures of things that happen to me. then again, i'd like to keep this site rated PG-13. but since i'm killing time, how about i answer today's friday five?

1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most?
without a doubt, cleaning out the litter box -- and i have an outdoor cat.

2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing?
i love mowing the lawn.

3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed?
i vacuum every other day. i also leave a bottle of windex and a roll of paper towels next to my glass coffee table with the vague hope that i'm obsessive compulsive enough to clean up smudges right away. but that never happens.

4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules?
not really, though when i start cleaning the bathroom or kitchen i get really anal retentive. i usually start off with a swiffer mop, but end up on the floor with a scrub brush.

5. What was the last thing you cleaned?
myself this morning, which was probably dirtier than my apartment at that point.

**aparently i had caught part of the new ellen degeneres show. i'm skepticle, but on Thursday Megan Mullally is going to be on. then again, i've seen her in interviews before and sadly, she's nothing like Karen Walker in person.

***in my defense, i do have some plans for this semester -- namely find an advisor or find a job. please don't ask me if i've started looking yet. in my head, i'm still on summer break.

Posted by monica at 03:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

rest in peace, warren.

Posted by monica at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it's monday again. all of my classes this semester meet at reasonable hours except for one monday 9am exception.

typical.

fortunately the class meets in a computer lab so that i can keep myself awake by checking e-mail, catching up with booshies on aim, and updating my blog. unfortunately, the class is on day 2 of an "html for dummies" series so it's hard to stay awake anyway.

it's especially hard to stay awake when just 12 hours earlier i stuffed my face full of food and wine. stuffing my face is one of my favorite pasttimes; there's nothing quite like that sleepy high you get after a meal rich in oil, vinegar and merlot.

spooning after a meal rich in oil, vinegar, and merlot: priceless.

weekend in review:
every day i'm learning more and more that i am a psycho nut-nut. and as each weekend passes, i'm also learning what i need to do to take control of my life. taking action, however, is another thing. i'm almost over this smoking thing -- small steps, right? one small step in the direction of a perfect self-actualized monibear. when i get there, you will all get hugs.

the above sentiments must partially eminate from a useless saturday spent hungover in front of the television. i have officially used up all of the Sex and the City DVDs. i also watched a terrible movie called Wasabi. do not be fooled: athough this "film" was produced by Luc Besson (see The Professional and The Fifth Element) and starred the spectacular Jean Reno, this movie is disposable, brainless, fluff. before i dozed off in the middle of it, i gathered that this was supposed to be an action comedy in which a cop with a killer punch played by Jean Reno goes to Japan where he discovers he has a daughter who he tries to kindle a relationship with, all the while running from some bad guys. (run on and on and on.) the story line is weak, the action is tacky, and somehow, every person Jean Reno's' character meets in Japan speaks French. i give it one star. weeeeak.

however, the paneer i had while watching the movie was delicious.

oh, and i bought the coolest thing this weekend: a DVD/VCR player. netflix just got better.

Posted by monica at 09:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

last night i had one of my favorite reoccurring dreams: i was hanging out with some friends who were smoking doobies while i packed for an imminent flight. for some reason i had too much crap to pack and it wouldn't fit in my bags. i ended up going outside to check on the weather, when i found myself on top of a parking garage, and all around me the city was in flames -- we were under attack by stupid people. so i ran inside to hastily pack my things (why i bothered, who knows) and tried to encourage my compatriots to flee with me. sadly they were too stoned to care (apparently my subconcious was in D.A.R.E. mode or something) so i had to flee on my own. i was running through a forest and all around families were tied to trees. it was kind of depressing but heroically i managed to save them all.

the analysis of the dream goes like this: my packing at the beginning of the dream symbolizes a current desire to move. my pot smoking friends represent my pot smoking friends. and the rest has to do with an actual concern i've had since the mid-90's that the shit will eventually hit the fan and i'll have to take to the hills. i have a waking fantasy that when the apocolypse arrives i will comb the cities on my scooter taking out bad guys and saving the sexy ones who will reward me with h.m.i.'s (hot meat injections).

when i awoke this morning i was totally psyched -- i love those dreams, they're all indiana jones n' shit, only indy wouldn't have run from the situation like a total coward. but in my defense, i think that war is stupid and the only thing i'd ever fight for is me, my family, and my cat. but why bother fighting when i can take them and a collection of sensitive yet strong men to the hills where we can live peacefully on rabbit and dandylion leaves while having fireside sex everynight. i'd take that over innocent bloodshed anyday.

but as i was saying, i woke up pumped so i decided to take my energy to the gym. according to Monica's Guide to Health and Fitness, the number one reason you should excercise regularly is so that you can eat as much of anything you want without turning into a lard-butt. the number two reason is so that you will be able to run quickly when you're being chased by robbers, or you're chasing a tight ass on the track, or if the shit hits the fan. everything else is just a bonus.

Posted by monica at 02:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Vibe is a bar on sixth street that features 3 beers on tap, including natty light. The Vibe is a place where the crickets and cockroaches are so comfortable that they will freely crawl all over the bar's patrons. The Vibe is a bar that you should definitely avoid, unless of course The Knubs happen to be playing that night.

as you may recall from my previous post, the Knubs are a punk-ska band from Dallas, Texas. they rocked the house last night with songs like "The Patriots" and "Friends" (much to the cumshot of punkgirlcandace). in fact, this band is so potent, that i think i would have gotten pregnant just by standing too close to the stage (thank god i'm not ovulating). best of all was their rendition of Shania Twain's "Still the One". whoever doesn't love punk covers, raise your hand and i'll come over there with some salt and vinegar so i can season your face before i eat it.

Posted by monica at 03:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)