last tuesday i saw a hypnotherapist. the goal: to quit smoking. i've made several half-assed attempts to quit rather recently, all of them failing because of the simple fact that i like smoking. sitting here typing this, i can't help but feel how much more pleasant this would be if i were sitting on my porch, getting some fresh air, and intermittently, getting some not so fresh air.
why is that?
along with summer's debauchery came far too many cigarettes in the early to late evenings. this often left me feeling like absolute shite in the morning with little motivation to attend to my usual gym routine (and, hence, little ability to fit into last year's jeans). out of shere impulse, i made a hypnotherapy appointment with some guy whose name i found on the internet. this drastic move had disaster written all over it. my friends and associates say i must feel that i want to quit versus need to quit as i feel right now. health, life span, ability to make it up a flight of stairs without weezing, ability to hump for hours in the bedroom -- these are all good things. sadly, the fact that i enjoy smoking makes me a candidate for failure. after all, what would i do with myself while waiting to meet someone at a bar? and what excuse would i find to spend time on my porch aside from my wilting basil?
back to the point -- days before my hypnotherapy session, i went to town on the smoking. i enjoyed myself, smoked without guilt, it was great. forty minutes before my appointment, smoking a final cigarette, i felt a little sad.
could it be the end of an era?
the appointment was held at the hypnoTHERAPIST's home. i sat in an easy chair and the hypnoshrink went to town. apparently i was on the low end of hypnotizeability, so he catered the session to my lack of suggestibility. i talked a little bit about why i wanted to quit smoking. we discussed the reasons why i smoked, and i made sure to mention that i had an appetite for alcohol and i'd like to retain that. soon enough, i reclined the chair, closed my eyes, and the hypnoshrink guided me through a variety of breathing exercises. this was good: not only did it relax me, but it also gave me an acute sense of how diminished my lung capacity had become. following the breathing came about 40 minutes worth of "guided visualization". i tried really hard to focus on the guy, but my mind occasionally wandered, sometimes to productive topics like things i would like to do instead of smoking, but sometimes to not so productive topics, like tim's "deeper, deeper, deeper..." shpeal. throughout the session, i kept thinking that it wasn't working and that i was screwed. i also had to pee which didn't help. still, i made a bonafide effort to stay relaxed and focussed. when i got the cue to "open my eyes", i made a beeline for the bathroom and then booked.
on the drive back, i was feeling a little scepticle, but i wasn't craving a cigarette. i felt like i hadn't been hypnotized at all. i mean, sure it was nice to relax, but i could have saved myself the 90 bucks and relaxed on my own time in the comfort of my own bed. still, i was having some trouble recalling the entire session. this i attributed to my notoriously bad memory. i did recall one point in which the hypnoshrink discussed how i would feel as a nonsmoker, and i remember feeling like i was going to laugh, but not out of amusement. i think the idea of feeling unpolluted overjoyed me. so, i kept this memory with me and set out to avoid cigarettes.
the first 24 hours following hypnotherapy, the only thing keeping me from smoking was the fact that i'd paid 90 bux to "get cured" and i wasn't about to waste that. now i'm going on 60 hours without a cigarette. it doesn't sound like much, but it's longer than i've gone without a smoke in some time. and it's weird -- after the 24 hour burn-in period, not smoking became a helluvalot easier. granted, i would love to have a cigarette at the moment, but i'm not over-ridden with anxiety because i can't have one. this has kept me from walking down the block for a pack, or bumming one from a stranger who doesn't know that i've quit. and maybe that's enough. it's amazing that i can, almost casually, shrug off the occasional cravings i have throughout the day. so maybe there's something to be said for hypnotherapy. it's definitely not an instant solution, but i definitely feel more aware of just how disgusting smoking is. even after 60 hours of not smoking, i'm starting to notice how my breathing is improving as i work out; it's almost painful. i'm starting to notice that my breath is changing, and it tastes bad. maybe hypnotherapy isn't everything -- maybe all it took was 40 minutes of self reflection to realize that i wanted to feel clean.
expect my feelings on this matter to evolve over the next few weeks -- especially if i start smoking again, when all i'll be feeling is like a boob.
