we all know why potato chips suck, right? in a boosh knot: they’re bad for you. they also leave your hands greasy and make you look like a buffoon when you lean back like homer simpson and dump a bunch of crumbs all over your face.
but how about sitting next to someone in the process of getting through a bag of chips? it’s the most audibly offensive act i’ve ever heard, next to wet sloppy smacky kisses on soap operas.
first, the offender (we’ll call him “Chip”), reaches into the bag which causes the bag to crinkle for what feels like an eternity while Chip gets a good handful. then as the fried potatoes begin to enter his mouth, Chip, possibly out of anticipation, inhales before chomping down and attempting to chew the 10 chips he just shoved in his mouth. then, a minute of gross chew noises: the crunch of chips between the teeth, the smacking of saliva as he licks the salt and grease off the corners of his mouth. then perhaps the licking of fingers. and then repeat, until the bag is done and crumpled, and discarded.
ugh, i wish i had remembered to bring my iPod to school today.
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