Archive for October, 2003

this halloween, i challenge you to be yourself

trick or treat my little vampires!

last night i really felt like getting tossed on halloween. but i got tossed last night instead, and now i’m wondering if i’d rather stay in and give the kids candy.

sandly my apartment is in the back of a house so kids aren’t going to show up. actually i’m probably pretty lucky in that respect.

so i might just have to break rank and celebrate with a few pints. maybe i’ll even put on some pastel.

maybe not.

hefty halloween tip:
remember, if you’re going as a boosh this halloween, try not to trip over any knots.

personality closed due to emotional flooding

things have been a little crazy lately. i know i’ve been irresponsible… socially… academically… bloggily. it’s not that i forgot about you all, it’s just that, well, you know how i am when i’m stressed: it doesn’t suit me well, like baseball caps or lipstick. usually i don’t get rapt by anything except for a few people and my next meal, so anxiety cuts like a knife. i know many of you have forgotten about me and moved on with your little lives, but for those of you who remain interested in my little life, i’d like to relay to you some hefty tips for dealing with the fall blues.

the weather is great and the sun feels warm through your navy blue hoodie. but the leaves only change to brown in austin. and those evening walks that you thought would relax you only make you think too much about how clueless you are about where your life is going. but you don’t turn around and go back home because your bed is empty and unmade and the internet is out and you left the milk out so no cereal with your cnn before bedtime.

times like these call for comfort food.

i’m not terribly creative in the kitchen, so i rely heavily on allrecipes.com. my current favorites are black bean soup and vegetarian split pea soup (sans orzo).

more noteably, however, i happened to make a really tasty hummus sandwich the other day. you should try it, and feel free to adapt it to your taste. the key is in the dill:

monica’s hummus sandwhich (bad breath optional) recipe

ingredients:

- hummus of your choice (i made roasted red pepper hummus… use less garlic in the recipe if you don’t want to smell like garlic all day… or do like i do and use extra garlic!)

- sprouts (i use sunflower sprouts because i prefer their flavor to alfalfa sprouts which are just a little too intensely “sprout” for my tastes … you can buy both sprout varieties in bulk at Central Market! or don’t use sprouts at all… see if i care.)

- greens - use whatever you like… i actually just pull a mixed collection of greens from whatever salad happens to be in my fridge (spinach, arugala, whatever!)

- shredded carrot - crunch!

- sliced cucumber - more crunch!

- cucumber dill sauce - you know, the stuff you put on falafel! i had made some for falafel and used it for the sandwich… but since there’s already cucumber, i reckon you could just mix up some yogurt, dill, and garlic (or no garlic if you don’t wanna stink) and that would be just as good. if you don’t know what i’m talking about, then you’re a fool, and you should check out sean’s recipe for falafel and yogurt sauce.

- bread of your choice — i really like the wheat bread at new world deli on guadalupe.

you should know how to make a sandwich so i won’t bother with instructions for assembly. but it’s really tasty … i’ve had hummus sandwiches before, but usually they are lacking in the sauce department — the yogurt/dill thing really makes for a taste explosion.

it’s amazing what a little toast and veggies can do for the soul — that, and the kind words of kindred spirits. many of you have provided a fuckton of support and advice for which i am truly greatful. we all get a little crazy once in a while. thank you for not forgetting about me while i pick up the pieces.

that said, i still have no clue as to what i’m doing with my life. but maybe it’s just not the time or place to know the future. there’s only this, right? so as i train for the apocolypse, i’m trying not to get bogged down by my long term goals. they’re there, hovering in the mist like those gorillas.

“small steps, sparks, small steps.”

i haven’t had a drop of alcohol in almost 1 week — if you know me, you know that this is big. my current plan is “no beer until i lose 5 lbs”, but this is all very vague as i sense a jump in my weight as i start strength training again.

“and when i emerge, i will be a beautiful butterfly!”

tracey has a blog! her writing is absolutely lovely. she’s going to make me moist, someday.

Continue reading ‘personality closed due to emotional flooding’

happy halloween i guess

one of the things i miss most about harris park is my next door neighbor, tracey. she always has the best parties with the best food and the best music (if you leave one of tracey’s parties before supertramp or the pixies come on, then you really haven’t partied with tracey). last year was all about buffalo bill’s pumpkin ale. this year i chowed on samosas and queso and guacamole and some lemon tart thing (all this despite stuffing my face at Milto’s right before). i didn’t bring a pumpkin to carve, but i did get to see what an amazing job the new owners did on my old place. they got rid of the blue wallpaper, repainted the whole house, refinished the floors, among a whole other list of things… i was moved. i loved that house and i’m really glad its new owners are treating it properly.

so i could write about my weekend but it’s all pretty dull and i haven’t been in the mood to communicate with strangers lately. i’m trying to find a new apartment and that shit just brings me down.

search for greater meaning interrupted

every semester since my senior year at uiuc i’ve considered looking for a job.

and come the end of every semester, i always find myself registered and willing to complete another 4-5 months of homework, exams, judgement, and humiliation.

the problem is as follows: school starts and i immediately think, “shit, i’ve just committed myself to another semester… i really need to start looking for jobs.” but as soon as i start, registration for the next semester begins and i find myself on my computer frantically trying to get into another 3 courses.

then there’s stuff like course advising — today i met with the big kahuna boosh in cam, and he said i was a “pioneer” because i was the first in the department to pursue math-bio.

so it made me feel kind of good and important.

and there’s no way i’m going to feel important at any job i get at this stage.

and then i think that most graduate students must feel this way but they just don’t say anything because people don’t sound smart when they’re grappling with their future.

search for me on yahoo. the first hit is yours truly, the second hit is as follows:

2. 05/07/03: Honors Graduate Monica Shaw on Her Way to Counseling …

fucking PURRRfect.

stranger than fiction

Steven Paul (Elliott) Smith
August 6, 1969

i’m a heartbreak beat

i was listening to the booshpod at the gym and heard this great song that really made me smile because it’s all about you and me.

Hope you don’t mind it if I’m - if I’m outta line
Cuz I’ve been drinkin’ and I’m feeling fine - feeling fine
Twenty bucks to just say - say what’s on my mind
I couldn’t then, but who cares - now it’s time - now
it’s time

speaking of the gym, i had a brainstorm while i was sorting out my “tunez to sweat by” playlist — a fitness blog called “training for the apocalypse”.

with the recent cubs/red sox close call, i started thinking about how much i’m not ready for the apocalypse, so i think i need to design a workout/diet regime to prepare me for the great sprint. who knows, maybe i’ll motivate a few other people… i mean, if you don’t do it for the ladies, do it so you’re not one of the fumbling fatsos trying to flee to the countryside as the aliens laugh at your expense before they vaporize you with their massive ray guns.

it’s all a work in progress of course …

and in a great effort in nonprogress, i just spent about an hour trying to sort out a flight to LUBBOCK, TX. that was humbling. i get to see the palo duro canyon, at least, which should be pretty if i’m not stuck in a sandstorm. what i’d really like to see is cadillac ranch, but that’s not on the schedule.

… i can’t wait for thursday’s exam to be over with.

then i can stop procrastinating.

met the realtor today… he seems cool, lives across the street… i recognize him from the crown. he reminded me how wonderful my apartment is before trying and failing to give me some hope that i’d be able to stay once the house sells.

i’m a heartbreak beat.

Continue reading ‘i’m a heartbreak beat’

better to have loved and lost…

i got the news today oh boy…

well, actually it was last weekend but still…

my landlord writes me with fantastic news: he has been given a job in France! back in austin, however, this is grave information. his relocation means the selling of 304 Moore Blvd, and quite possibility the termination of my lease. you see, there’s a fairly good chance that the new owner will either want to a.) occupy the entire upstairs portion of the house or b.) raise my rent significantly.

so sue me i’m depressed.

but it answers the age old question that a friend of mine often poses: is it better to love someone even if your time with them would end in a known finite amount of time, or is it better to not have known that person at all?

my love is my apartment, and it has nurtured me tenderly this past year.

one might even say that my apartment lifted me up to where i belong.

and from that great height i shall never fall.

so fuckin’-a it’s better to have loved and lost!

life goes on.

for me that meant going to the movies in search of a title to parallel my life. so i saw “intolerable cruelty”, the latest from the never disappointing Coen Bros who managed to succeed in creating a cynical romantic comedy. the lovely catherine zeta-jones plays a gold-digger whose made a career for herself by marrying rich men and taking all their money. george clooney plays a divorce lawyer so you can see how they probably met. anyway, they have this love-hate relationship through the whole movie, and eventually both get their “asses nailed”. if you liked “Hudsucker Proxy”, you’ll probably like this — but don’t expect the sophisticated humour of “The Big Lebowski”. then again, maybe it’s there and i just missed it. whatever. 3.5 stars.

i finally got around to doing some necessary maintainance on the vino — changed the transmission oil… filled up the 2-stroke oil… filled the tires. i really really want to buy a motorcycle but i think i need to JAZZ up the vino first. to dos:

-get a manual
-bigger tires: Michilin S1s or Sava Whitewalls
-stage 1 performance upgrade
-a cool ass artsy fartsy paint/airbrush job — a.) to cover up some scratches, and b.) cuz it’d be freakin’ cool man!!

i get to see lubbock, tx in a couple weeks. ye-haw.

wouldn’t it be good if we could wish ourselves away?

i should be studying for my stats exam next week, but it’s saturday night and i’m easily distracted but the carnal joys of food, drink, music, and fashion.

fashion?

so let’s talk about blue jeans and one-hit-wonders.

this afternoon, i spent an obscene amount of time in a very obscene place: diesel. ginger works there on commission, and tim needed a new pair of jeans — sounds like a recipe for an afternoon shopping spree.

in the end, i think we were there for almost 3 hours, trying on what felt like hundreds of jeans in various sizes and washes. diesel is cool because even the women’s sizes are measured in inches vs. the bullshit 1,2,3.. women’s sizing system so bastardized by sweatshop institutions like gap and old navy (if you know me, you know i shop at old navy… give me a break, i’m still an american). regarding blue jeans, turns out i’ve been buying oversized denim… i went in thinking i wore a 33in waist, when in fact i should be buying a 30. that was kind of nice to know, but i was worried: ginger & co. said they fit great, but i could barely sit down in these jeans they were so tight. according to the staff, they stretch out. i ended up going with the “cherone” style: slim fit, boot cut. everyone at the store agreed that the cherone fit looked really good “from behind” (but really, when don’t i look good from behind)? i was skepticle, but gave into their persuasion when the 50 year old tailor said, without prompting: “those fit great from behind”. i mean, he seemed objective enough. so what, i bought a new pair of jeans.

that’s right: i did say, “tailor”. even with the discount (thanks ginger!), i’ve never spent this many benjamins on a pair of jeans, so i thought i’d better have em’ fit right. i was a little concerned because they had a little too much room in the banch, but “gassan” assures me the rest of the jeans will stretch out. otherwise i’ll have to stuff. still, i’m having them hemmed so they don’t drag under my shoes.

hours this took!!

and yet, although i loathe shopping, i actually almost enjoyed the experience. i mean, their jeans are pretty dope. and the people who work there seem to know what’s up. so, i wanna say it’s all good… but i’ll have to get back to you when i get my jeans back from gaston and let them stretch out a bit.

by the way: these jeans would look really great with a pair of chuck taylors. sadly, nike owns converse these days and i couldn’t really sleep at night knowing i support both old navy AND nike. thank goodness for adbusters.

for $50 to $60 (USD?), i will buy my freedom from brand slavery.

and that’s a special thing

back on the homestead, i was feeling pretty exhausted. on my journey through denim, i also acquired a charger for my cell phone, some 2-stroke engine oil, an mp3/cd player, and groceries. then i stir-fried. then i made some more of this amazing split pea soup. then i thought i’d study for my stats exam, when i happened upon a phenomenal one-hit-wonder off the pretty in pink soundtrack: “wouldn’t it be good” by the danny hutton hitters. props to sidewalk annie, which is the only site i’ve found that has the lyrics to this song, nevermind lyrics to the entire pretty in pink soundtrack.

Continue reading ‘wouldn’t it be good if we could wish ourselves away?’

now playing

i just discovered how ultra convenient it is to tape dvd’s with my toshiba dvd-vcr combo player. i haven’t been watching as many movies lately so i’m recording the ones i got from netflix so as to return them quickly and get my money’s worth.

but it got me thinking… there’s a surprisingly large number of movies out at the moment that look pretty good. i must write them down now before i forget…

kill bill
lost in translation
anything else
matchstick men
school of rock
the texas chainsaw massacre
sylvia
wonderland
mystic river (tim robbins!!!)
veronica guerin
intolerable cruelty

maybe i’ll rent these when they come out…
runaway jury
the rundown
party monster (just to see Macaulay Culkin mod club kid)

send in the assclowns

i’m kind of bummed that this isn’t the apocalypse…

…’cause i’d really like to take you and the cat and run away down to a trailer by the sea like in that joshua kadison song about that jessie bitch.

what i’d really like to see is you and ivy frolick by the seashore.

we’d have to take my neighbors as well (who shall remain nameless because i forgot their names): not only do we share a mutual adoration for my precious pussycat, but we also share the same interpretation of ivy’s human voice (think brad garrett saying “hi guys”).

in keeping with this current season of change, yesterday i ordered the 1992 edition of Abs of Steel. Lotus Blossom Allison credits the workout for her fine abdominals, so i thought i’d give it a try. may Tamilee woo me into submission…. forever more.

Continue reading ’send in the assclowns’