spacekadet blog

four teeth less and nothing to show for it, i return to you.

last friday was probably the most disgusting day i’ve ever had. that morning i had all of my wisdom teeth pulled. i knew that the surgery would be a little complicated due to my two impacted wisdom teeth, but all this really meant to me was that it would take me longer to recover. i had an IV drip sedation, so i don’t remember most of it. but when i returned home and looked in the mirror, i looked like somebody out of a horror movie. it was a bloody awful mess. so i slept through most of it, thanks to a vicaprofen prescription. major props go to tim who took good care of me while i recovered: he rented some movies and hooked me up with mashed potatoes and rice pudding. the company made the recovery infinitely more tolerable.

anyway, it’s been a few days, i’m still sore, and my cheeks are still puffy (though not at chipmunk capacity). i am paranoid about my sockets. i long for solid food.

but i’m lucid again. or at least, as lucid as someone like me can get.

as i mentioned, i watched a bunch of movies this weekend. tim did an amazing job at picking out good films. send me to the video store by myself and i come back with “Leap of Faith”. send tim and he comes out a champ. i guess that’s because boys are smarter than girls. so here’s the run down, with my rating (out of 4 *’s).

**** six feet under: season 1, disk 4 (the last 3 episodes of the season — amazing)
*** lethal weapon (can’t believe i never saw this movie)
*** confidence (saw it before but didn’t remember most of it
**** brotherhood of the wolf (fucking outstanding)
*** auto focus
twin peaks, season 1, disk 4 (currently unrated… i passed out while i was watching it)

at some point i went and saw the movie Underworld, which easily gets 4 stars. chicks who do the goth thing right are hot as hell (you ladies in the audience who rely on black jeans and black band t-shirts and bad hair dye to sell your goth persona need to take some serious fashion lessons from this movie). aside from that, the plot was pretty damn good. the dumbed down romantic element and lack of high-profile movie stars was also greatly appreciated. the film is primed for a sequel — i can’t wait.

it’s wednesday, my day off from hell. i didn’t get much sleep last night, so here’s what’s on today’s menu:

- pajamas and cooshy socks

- music music music - random playlist geared towards peter gabriel, thin lizzy, the clash, iginition (remix), eels, showtunes

- ass meets office chair: perl programming all day — i’m making bioinformatics my bitch

- stress — why? i’m trying to finish this relatively long programming assignment before friday since it’s due on monday but i’m going to be drugged up and puffed to the max all weekend. so why the anxiety? i can’t explain it. maybe i’m just a little scared — i have no idea where life is taking me at the moment. i’m scared that i’m going nowhere.

- cleaning my mess (hot and fresh from the kitchen)

6 words i enjoy pronouncing incorrectly:

1. chipotle (CHI-POT-EL)
2. assume (AS-OO-MAY … like “resume”, the thing you put your job history on)
3. epitome (EP-I-TOME)
4. jalapeno (JA-LOP-UH-NO)
5. guacamole (GUACK-UH-MOLE)
6. penis (PEN-ISS)

but really people: what the fuck happened to Dr. Drew? what’s with the fake tan and trendy hair cut? i’d rather get advice from a soft, fatherly figure than some botox freakshow. and speaking of botox — what are people thinking with that shit? have you noticed that charlie sheen can’t even smile anymore? personally, i’d rather have wrinkles than not be able to move my face. but that’s just me. anyway, who cares. i love the eels…

Woke up with a bang
And a bug on your face
It crawled in your mouth
And gave you a taste of
The good life you left behind
But I think you’re gonna be fine

Somebody loves you
And you’re gonna make it through

did you know that suicide is the second leading cause of death among college-aged students? so why exactly do we go a flying fuck about the emmy’s?

while reading through wired, i found a few interesting articles on suicide. most noteable, however, was this collection of posts from alt.suicide.holiday, a newsgroup which seems to be intended for those in search of support and advice as they consider the option of suicide. i had a look at the group’s website:

The original charter of the group was to discuss suicide methods and reasons; as it was believed that there were more than enough good reasons connected with holiday times to kill oneself, the name alt.suicide.holiday was chosen. It was assumed that traffic on the newsgroup would only occur around American holiday periods.

The newsgroup has evolved into a partial sanctuary where people can discuss suicide openly in an atmosphere which is not condemnatory of suicide, as much of “Western” culture is. It is only a “partial” sanctuary as, being unmoderated, the group has no mechanism to bar posts which seek to introduce condemnatory viewpoints to the newsgroup.

what a fascinating use of the internet. more on that later.

fossilized spider penis found in the highlands of scotland.

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of Galileo
King of night vision
King of insight

this is my 100th blog entry… and i wonder where all the time goes.

saturday night’s alright for fighting, though i personally prefer a quiet night indoors. friday night debauchery is becoming a bad habit. if it weren’t for my friend’s birthday bash (happy bday booshface), i probably would never have found myself downtown at the i’m-so-not-getting-Lucky-Lounge. but there i was, vowing to avoid drunkeness and failing to get a word-in edgewise. it’s funny that i can be irritatingly boistrous after a few drinks, but sans alcohol, i might as well be a mouse.

avoiding drunkeness: good. not getting a word-in edgewise: mostly disappointing — but from what i can tell, bday boosh et al. had a bitchin’ time. at least that’s what your mom said. and that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. i did manage to get elbowed in the face by a waitress, which would turn out to be one of my more initimate moments that evening.

when s & j (thatnks for hauling my sorry black ass around, btw), were ready to depart, i climbed on board and caught up with tizzle and some lesbian people at Nasty’s who were all vastly more attractive than me. i had a few drinks but nothing excessive. friday night sobriety had the kind of impact that those introspective youth camping retreats can only dream of providing. i bitch and i moan about jealous people, and i pride myself on my unfailing independence. but really, i’m just as insecure and jealous-prone as everyone else. i can be scared, and nervous, and let my pride make me stupidly insensitive. i shy away in the presence of pretty people because i stupidly think that’s what other people want. i don’t mind not being conventially attractive, generally i like it, but some nights it gets to me… mostly when i let it get between me and a good time. i guess that’s my own fault.

so fanfuckingtastic — i learned a little bit last night. now if only i could have done that without acting like an asshole. (i can’t decide if that’s better or worse than getting my teeth pulled…. which reminds me, i better fucking enjoy this weekend, and this week, because after this friday, i’m going to be chipmunk cheeks for a few days, eating my meals through a fucking straw.)

that night, i stayed up really late in a fit of heavy breathing. saturday: spent the better part of the morning curled up in bed watching six feet under and eating popcorn: i am a winner. actually it felt great. and might i add: my bedroom is quickly becoming the most comfortable place you’ll find on this side of the mason-dixon line. i’ve constructed a headboard for my homemade bedframe. and i have a tv/vcr/dvd setup. i also have a very warm body presence. warmth. spooning. the glowing box. quality programming. snacks. joy.

flashback to last friday: my bioinformatics prof recommended a book, Beginning Perl for Bioinformatics without saying that it was actually required. then all of the sudden, he started assigning us homework from the book. so i’m like: “shiiiit”. anyway, i was going to go through all of this canoodling and copying bullshit. but instead, i thought i’d take my chances on Half Price Books: not only did they have a used copy of my book for half the price of the original, but they were also having a 20% off of everything sale. score.

so this afternoon i went through a chapter of the book. i’m enjoying learning perl and i hope i get really good at it.

beyond that, zero studying was accomplished. however, a fantastic movie was viewed: “25th Hour”. great fucking film about the final hours before drug pusher, Monty (Edward Norton), goes to prison.

after that i had a very quick couple of pints at the crown. but i ended it with that at the risk of finding myself hungover and useless tomorrow. instead of imbibing, i learned how to get around my airport base station so that i can use the built-in apache webserver on my laptop. now my webcam might actually work. saturday night man! fucking outstanding!!!

i’ve been spending most of the day cleaning up my apartment. mundane boosh-berries: changing lightbulbs, dusting, things i’ve been needing to do for a while. while cleaning, my random iTunes playlist happened upon a Vienna Teng song, something i had had acquired via michael piatek but hadn’t got around to listening to. i’m pissed that it took me so long to discover here: she’s fantastic. download the song that caught my ear, “lullaby for a stormy night”: you’ll be moved. Vienna’s got the mp3 on her site.

well now I am grown
and these years have shown
that rain’s a part of how life goes
but it’s dark and it’s late
so I’ll hold you and wait
’til your frightened eyes do close

and I hope that you’ll know…

everything’s fine in the morning